Gordon Brown spent nearly ten years waiting in the wings after a dodgy kebab moment at an Islington restaurant and watched his friend Tony sweep all before him. Then the moment came. Gordon came out from the darkness of the temple of mammon to assume the mantle of the greatest office of state in the land.
He didn’t part the Red Sea, but in his first weeks in office he walked through floods. Unlike his predecessor, he has not yet converted to a different faith so has not been able to think about the possibility of walking on floods. Gordon calmed the peoples of our sceptred land, he gave us comfort when terrorists at Glasgow airport were on fire, he told us that things would be very different…that there would be no more spin.
Unfortunately…. the ‘Events, dear boy, events’ phenomenon came… all too soon. Northern Rock, sleaze, Mrs Speaker collecting groceries in a taxi on the taxpayer, dodgy donations, credit-crunch, and losses in football and other sporting events on a scale that left this great obese binge drinking, but sporting, nation reeling – to the point that he was advised not to turn up to any more sporting events in case we lost. Not even ‘unassailable’ Cleggover, with his rather adolsescent admission that he couldn’t even manage to shag more than 30 women and a 15 year old boy sneezing and wiping snot on David Cameron’s suited back while Cameron was being interviewed on TV, could divert attention.
Only yesterday, as Gordon fell asleep during one of his own speeches in the USA (apparently – judging by the pics flashed across our screens), Lord Desai (I like to imagine) put on his toga, designed by new fashion design house ‘Et tu Brute’ (Notting Hill – Beijing – Wolverhampton), and announced in what is soon to be called ‘The Senate’ : “Gordon Brown was put on earth to remind people how good Tony Blair was”, that his style was “porridge, or maybe haggis” and explained to BBC News 24 that he wasn’t stabbing the Prime Minister in the back.
I have absolutely no idea who Lord Desai is… my life is draining away and I have to be selective these days, but the BBC helpfully informed me that “Lord Desai is an eminent economist, but by no means a rebel and also perhaps not politically savvy enough to have realised the impact his words would have.” Enough said… but…’not politically savvy?’ What is Lord Desai doing in the unelected House of Lords if he can’t even be ‘politically savvy’? Are there more like him… in terms of ‘political savviness’ in the House of Lords? Tell me that it is not so…
I spend hours watching the Parliament Channel on BBC in the early hours of the darkness – BUT… I have to say that I have absolutely no idea why those old people spend so much time indoors in a tastelessly furnished historical building in London when they could be taking SagaLout tours to Prague and other European destinations and represent our country properly by showing our European cousins that Europeans may make the best wines and beer in the world… but we know how to drink it.
I am fond of a bit of Shakespeare. In fact, Richard III is a particular favourite. But with my grave digging background… I always enjoy that ‘Alas, poor Gordon, I knew him well’ bit in Hamitup.
Anyway… here is a pic I found on the internet of Gordon, in happier days, when he and George were rehearsing for their cameo moment on Britain’s Got Talent by doing a cover of The Village People hit “In the Navy”
In the navy
Yes, you can sail the seven seas
In the navy
Yes, you can put your mind at ease
In the navy
Come on now, people, make a stand
In the navy, in the navy
Can’t you see we need a hand
In the navy
Come on, protect the motherland
In the navy
Come on and join your fellow man
In the navy
Come on people, and make a stand
In the navy, in the navy, in the navy (in the navy)
They want you, they want you
They want you as a new recruit
***
I am off to watch the Parliament Channel – I really do need to be kept up to date with what the Lords are doing.
Their lack of political savviness was the most endearing feature of the House of Lords, which made its proceedings such fun. Times change, but somehow it seems typical of this government that it should stuff the place with its own political appointments and then find that they weren’t “savvy”.
Lord Desai attempted to teach me economics at the LSE many moons ago. You might as well try to teach an iguana to knit but he was a good bloke and came dangerously near to making the ballsaching subject interesting. He also had a natural frightwig which is handy for fancy dress parties. Ermm…
That’s about it. Oh, and he was an evangelical atheist (as it were).
Andrew – I did like his crack about Gordon only being put on earth to remind us good Tony was! Class!
Hi Charon
Through you pages may I ask any of your readers if they can supply me with a link to the Caddy Review re Low Copy Number DNA, please? (I have athens account etc).
Newspapers have given choice quotes etc but I can’t find a url to see for myself.
On a related note … what is the procedure for assigning a judge to a court case? Anyone know how Weir got assigned to Hoey?
Your blog is so funny at the moment. Sorry I am working like a demon. Best. Ms R.
peter groves – it seems typical of this government that it should stuff the place with its own political appointments
i take it it’s the finding out they aren’t savvy that you regard as the unusual bit – every government has been up for making sure the house of lords was full of its supporters. the tories never used to need to do anything about it (because it already was) and the liberals would have done it if the HL hadn’t accepted the parliament act in 1911.
it’s like the furore created by tony, alistair and the new art of spin – nothing like margaret, bernard and the errr old art of truth!
why does the inherent conservatism of the political system see fault only in governments of the centre? (because for all his faults tony was vaguely centrist). the country will remain a hidebound misogynistic shitheap until we begin to acknowledge this bias.
i was particularly amused by today’s screaming media about gordon’s humiliating climbdown (aka abandoning crap policy). this is political commentary at the rarified level of little boys high on testosterone waving their willies about and going nerr nerr nee nerr nerr. the media, owned by the rich and controlling the gullible, actually run the country and it’s about time we took back control of our lives. they come out with this nonsense and people who should know better actually seem to believe them.
one in jail was a good start…
too many ‘actually’s – must be in rant mode.