“I snorted my Dad’s ashes…..”…

It was not much after 7.00 am. I did not feel like my usual breakfast so after collecting cigarettes and The Independent and The Mirror I went to a cafe where I can sit outside, have a couple of espressos, read the papers and watch the world go by.

“I snorted my Dad’s ashes” was the headline in The Mirror today. Yes… quite extraordinary, but Keith Richards, “The Rolling Stones hellraiser, 63, mixed his father Bert’s remains with cocaine. He admitted: “It was the strangest thing I’ve tried to snort. But it went down pretty well.”

It does not take me long to flick through The Mirror.

Then there was Prince Charles pictured wearing what appeared to be a ‘re-cycled’ dressing gown and gumboots – an outfit which, apparently, he likes to wear while gardening. It is, The Mirror suggests, a Suman – a luxury hand-stitched wool overcoat worn by Romanians.

And then…. we have Boris… upsetting the people of Portsmouth. Boris Johnson is usually good value. Boris was touring the City in a £340,000 Maybach Limo and is reported in The Mirror as saying “Here we are in one of the most depressed towns in Southern England, a place that is arguably too full of drugs, obesity, underachievement and Labour MPs.”

Portsmouth South Lib Dem Mike Hancock said: “He’s living up to his reputation as a prat who must be sacked right away.”

However… Tory David Willets said: “Boris is just telling the truth as he sees it.”

The Mirror costs 40p. Good value today!…

Moving on to more serious matters: Geeklawyer interrogated by The Bar Council

I give you but a small taste of the transcript…

“Mr Peter Susman QC span round in his high backed leather swivel chair.

“Ah!! Geeklawyer how good to meet you at last. Sit, sit ye down; take a seat my dear chap.”… “

Full transcript of The Geeklawyer hearing

I think that is quite enough for one morning…. at Lunchtime I am meeting with Hilary Pearson, ex-Bird & Bird partner, to do a podcast on practising as a City Solicitor.

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Time for some weird stuff…

Giant penis etched into school garden with weedkiller can be seen from space. Sky has the story: “The unnamed pair of Year 11 pupils from Bellemoor School for Boys in Southampton, Hampshire, burnt the 20ft phallus into the grass as an end of term joke two years ago.”

Eye on the ball…

A Police officer, who was supposed to be guarding a wall damaged in the recent storms, was photographed by a passer-by. The officer was sitting in his vehicle playing a football game on a play station. The Metropolitan Police said: “The use of the games console was inappropriate and unprofessional. Senior officers are dealing with the matter.” The Sun has the story and a pic.

Shilpa is to meet the Queen, Blair and Gordon Turpin.

It was almost inevitable that Shilpa Shetty, Celebrity Big Brother winner, would meet politicians – but it was pleasing to learn that The Queen will also be meeting her. Mind you…the thought did cross my mind that Buckingham Palace is a bit like the Big Brother House – enclosed building, barred to the public, crowds cheering outside, heavy security and a curious collection of housemates… I exempt H M The Queen from my definition of ‘curious’.

Moving on…

I thought you might like to know that we could face a future without bananas unless drastic action is taken. I know this – because it was in The Guardian:

“It is a freakish, doped-up, mutant clone which hasn’t had sex for thousands of years – and the strain may be about to tell on the nation’s fruitbowl favourite. Scientists based in France have warned that, without radical and swift action, in 10 years’ time we really could have no bananas. Two fungal diseases, Panama disease and black Sigatoka, are cutting a swath through banana plantations, just as blight once devastated potato crops. But unlike the potato, and other crops where disease-resistant strains can be bred by conventional means, making a fungus-free variety of the banana is extraordinarily difficult.”

Have I lost my marbles?…

No…not yet – although it is, I am sure, only a matter of time. But…the Greeks have lost their marbles – The Elgin Marbles. Now school children in Greece are campaigning to get the Elgin Marbles back. The British Museum states that it is not ‘at liberty’ to give them back. I have some sympathy with the view that treasures plundered by our ancestors and forefathers should be returned to the original country – but, where would we be then? What would we have to put in our Museums? Judging by Time Team’s efforts at digging up wretched bits of broken pottery in most of their episodes (being re-run on Sky) – not very much.

Probably better to continue resisting? BBC story

And finally…

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.
“In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive.
In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative
is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a
double positive can form a negative.”

A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

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Incredible….

Sasuke is an astonishing athletic test held twice a year in Tokyo, Japan. Competitors have to complete four levels of increasing difficulty and increasing danger. I have never seen anything like it – a truly incredible test. Only two men have ever completed the course. Here is Makoto Nagano (33) doing the obstacle course. It is worth watching.

And, believe it or not, again from Japan…

Here we have a helicopter being used to open beer bottles.

I was amused to find that a blog linking to mine has a description of my blog. When the cursor rolls over the Charon QC link in the blogroll – up pops the tab: “Think Rumpole on crack.” Nearly knocked a full glass of Rioja over my keyboard.

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I knew it could not last….

I tried… but an unremitting diet of commenting seriously on matters legal has tipped the balance of my mind. Here is a novel search engine. You may ask an attractive woman to find things for you on the net. Of course, I became bored with asking her to find The Law Society or a particular set of Chambers and started to ask her most unusual questions. (Ms Dewey, in reponse to my question about The Law Society told me…most usefully… “Don’t do the crime unless you can do the time” before providing me with the link) The results amused me for a while – you may also find this search engine interesting – and if you have no-one else to talk to at the time – you might enjoy Ms Dewey talking to you. Try the search engine

Of course.. I just had to ask her who she thought Charon QC is. She laughed and told me that she couldn’t understand a word I was saying and then started talking gibberish herself. I liked that. Poetic justice. I put it down to her remarkable skills of feminine intuition. She did, however, find my blawg. Not exactly Google…but curiously enjoyable. No… she doesn’t want to come out to dinner or drink Rioja with me. Remarkably, when I asked if she would like a glass of Rioja – she produced a German bier stein which, miraculously, filled with beer and laughed (The bier stein did not, of course, laugh – she did). I could find myself using this search engine in future….

Do you want to buy a painting painted by an elephant? A lot cheaper than an original work by Damien Hirst.

Well.. you can by visiting this website.

And finally… for those with an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and shoehorning bizarre topics into conversations… here is a website which will give you the origin of rock band names. Quite interesting, as it happens.

And now I can begin my real day… toil and work. A piu tarde.

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And…I say unto you…

Cameron weblog.. “Welcome to WebCameron…watch out BBC and ITV…we’re coming after you!”

Good grief… it brought tears to my eyes to watch this videocast. It is certainly novel. Cameron weblog

Scene 1: Cameron is in his kitchen and faces the camera for his opening line. Young child calls out that she wants to wash her hands (It may be a boy – I’m afraid I am not on intimate terms with Cameron Famille.) Leading man bends down and asks her if she can do it later, stands up and tells us all that WebCameron is a great way to communicate. Leading man is ‘terribly keen that we communicate with people properly.’ Camera changes angle to reveal what appears to be Cameron’s underwear on a clothes rack drying in the dining room. Very stylish. One assumes that it is a dining room or family room because the kitchen faces directly onto it. We can see this through a hatch. Leading man waffles on a bit about how there are a few days yet until the conference – time to write a few more speeches, prepare a few policies and perfect the sound bites. He then, somewhat mysteriously says that he has to ‘wash up the porridge.’

Perhaps even more bizarrely… all I could think of when I was looking at the section of the film where the Cameron underpants are shown… was the cartoon character ‘Captain Underpants’. I have no idea how I know about some things… it does worry me occasionally.

Thanks to Miss H of Twenty-Something (See Blogroll) for pointing me in WebCameron’s direction. I shall be watching avidly.

They look like underpants to me… but, I could be wrong

I have returned from my evening out and always mindful of the rules of ‘Evidence’, I thought it best to put the evidence before you.

All you need to consider is a balance of probabilities. Ignore the Policies – he doesn’t have anything to say about ‘policies’ in this film… but are they underpants?

The first film was riveting – a tour de farce. I am pleased to make an award of my ‘Lobster Award’ to this innovative website. I fear that it will not be long before I have to award the most coveted award of Lobster First Class ( For this first attempt – the award is: Lobster Award Second Class)
I thoroughly enjoyed watching Cameron on the Delhi undergound, waffling to a commuter about her future career, and some weird guy…who may be a Shadow Chancellor in waiting… with him. I just can’t be sure. Is this the same person who was Gideon Osborne..now ‘George’ Osborne… or have I got the wrong end of the stick?

I will have another look as The Tory Conference progresses…

Certainly a bit more pacy (but just as ill conceived?) – than the Muttley Dastardley LLP trainee blog.

EDIT at 00.42 Sunday 1st October
Please make the time to watch the ‘Cleaning up politics’ film… In fact, if you have time, watch all the films. Cameron even manages to sound like a tour guide as he gives us a tour of Delhi. I really do think that this series of webcasts will rival ‘The Office’. David Brent… ‘Watch out… we’re after you.’ might be a better catchphrase for the person who calls himself ‘Dave’ who posts to this site. Is this ‘Real?’…is it a wind up?’.

It isn’t a wind up/spoof. Here is the front page of the new Tory website

The Economist takes a sanguine view of Cameron’s intellect – according to the latest Private Eye… perhaps “I am the only fool in the village’ may be a better analogy?

 

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Something for the weekend, Sir?…

There is, of course, absolutely no truth in this news cutting, but the thought appealed to me as I wasted yet another few hours trying to speak to people on the phone. I fear that all are departing for the long weekend – heading, perhaps to the shires, the coast or even as far as Scotland.

I will remain at my post in London but I am sure the opportunity will arise for some relaxation – perhaps a glass or two of Rioja and a chance to get off the world for a few days. I found myself looking at the Lawyer website – to see if there was any interesting news. I didn’t actually need to know that Scots law firm, Burness, has re-shuffled its management team – but it was quite interesting to see that the main focus of news on The Lawyer was about ‘who is doing what to whom’, ‘who is landing big deals’ etc, rather than any focus on legal practice or even law.

I did however feel uplifted when I read that “North West firm Hill Dickinson is going green with a scheme designed to offset its carbon footprint and create a local community woodland. The firm is working with environmental company co2balance.com to plant 1,149 trees in order to cancel out the carbon dioxide it uses each year. In addition Hill Dickinson also plans to switch to a renewable energy provider when its current power contract runs out.”

I decided to move on to other websites to see if I could find anything mildly surreal.

And then I found this… The Most Incredible Knife
Wenger wants you to do one thing: throw out your old knives. Actually, it wants you to do several things: throw out your bike tools, your toiletries, your laser pointer and so on, because you can find all of these instruments in a huge Swiss Army knife, which includes every tool the company makes. Wenger is calling the contraption ‘Giant Knife Version 1.0.’ It debuted with all 85 features and can perform hundreds of functions. Who doesn’t need a cigar cutter next to a bicycle chain rivet setter next to a golf divot repair tool.

And then I hit the jackpot with this Ant desk…

It may not appeal to everyone – but I rather liked the idea of ants scurrying around under the glass of a desk… here is a most interesting article on how you can build one for yourself – should you have time to do so over the coming bank holiday!

I read the comments on this chap’s blog – apparently ants build their colonies vertically – so it might be a problem!

And finally… A U.S. psychologist says we might not be able to tell a book from its cover, but we can decide if a person is attractive in only a tenth of a second.

Princeton University psychologist Alex Todorov says people respond intuitively to faces so rapidly our minds may not have time to influence the reaction — and our intuitions about attraction and trust are among those we form the fastest.

“The link between facial features and character may be tenuous at best, but that doesn’t stop our minds from sizing other people up at a glance,” said Todorov, an assistant professor of psychology. “We decide very quickly whether a person possesses many of the traits we feel are important, such as likability and competence, even though we have not exchanged a single word with them.”

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Don’t drink drive…drive on your drink…

My brain needed a short break – My attention turned to the net. I am fascinated by gadgets and bizarre human behaviour.  Here we have two in one. I found this ‘cruzin cooler’ on the net.

This is what they say…

Cruzin Cooler  combines two basic necessities of life, the ability to have cold food or a beverage handy along with the means to get somewhere, without walking. With modern technology, the Cruzin Cooler is light-weight and comes in various sizes and is available in gas and electric models, with a 10 mile range on electric models and 30 miles on the gas models.

It could, of course, be adapted to carry heavy ‘bundles’ for Court.  So, instead of looking like an airline steward / stewardess, dragging a bag on wheels behind one -  solicitors and barristers could cut a bit of a dash going down Fleet Street on one of these on their way to The Royal Courts of Justice. I would imagine, however, that the Court Service may take a dim view of lawyers driving through the magificent concourse inside the RCJ – so it may not catch on.

 

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Indicatears…

When I got up this morning I thought I might start the blawg with something sensible..but why? -  when one can draw your attention to Indicatears. Yesterday it was a plastic jumping lederhosen – today..indicatears. The website for this bizarre gadget says: “Now ears a good idea. Indicatears are great fun and a novel new gadget for cyclists, or anyone who wants to let other people know which way they want to turn.

No more confusion then, just wear your Indicatears and they will light up either your right ear or your left ear to indicate that you want to turn right or left. Now isn’t that clever!”

While I am all in favour of bicycle riders being more visible and indicating their intentions, I’m not sure that this is going to catch on. Perhaps Tony Blair should get some and then he can indicate which way he is going to turn when he makes his next sound bite?

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Stuck for birthday gift ideas?

Horsehead pillow suit you?

It is Saturday afternoon and it is time to search the net for weird stuff.  It didn’t take me long – here is a gift which may not improve your credibility with partners, common law or legal, or even lawful, but it will certainly surprise your current partner if you are discreet about placing it. Before the last Mrs C gave herself to a life in the law she may have approved – but now, aware of the hindrances placed on our lives as human beings by law, the law and the new wave of anti-libertarian law makers led by the Lord Protector and Dr John Witchfinder of the Home Office, I suspect she would have to advise me that I owe a duty of care under Donoghue et al not to cause nervous shock to visitors who happen to enter my bedroom – including burglars. That I reserve the right to have a Samurai sword, a Victorian Police truncheon ( a bizarre Christmas gift from my former Mother in Law – 2nd marriage))  and handcuffs ( for those arresting moments) under my futon is a civil right, I suspect, that I may already have lost.

Anyway..there we are.  If you want to buy a Godfather style horse’s head pillow – you may do so here.  

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A little light relief and other things?

Need a telefoto lens for your mobile?
You see some strange sights in London, but, as yet, I have not seen anyone with a telefoto lens on their mobile. It can only be a matter of time with this nifty device. I am grateful to a German lawyer for sending me the link to the website. Unfortunately, I don’t speak German so I will have to take his word for it! If you do speak german and want a telefoto for your mobile here is the place to go.

Here is a man who will give you $25,000 if you give him a name. He wants to change his name from Aaron Schwarz and can’t be bothered to choose a name for himself. Many law firms and, I suspect, quite a few barristers, would be happy to act on a matter for such a fee. Unfortunately it is on a ‘No win, No fee’ basis.
Try your luck / skill?

Still thinking about your career path?

Here is a website which may assist you. I wanted to be a surgeon. Probably made the wrong choice, but at least I can drink Rioja every night without worrying about cutting off the wrong leg the next morning.

Quite an amusing diversion if you fancy a look

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