Archive for September 5th, 2006

I’m being sensible tonight. Or, at least, I am giving that impression – but..remember..what you read below is only a dream…

The Fettesian puppet, Blair (*) who has been acting the role of PM (*) for these last few years on behalf of an undefined special interest group called ‘New Labour’ has, this day, announced his retirement. He will leave 10 Downing Street shortly after the next Labour Party conference – which is but a few days away.

(*) (Copyright Mr Hitchens – journalist with many skills and, according to BBC Radio 4 ‘Any Questions’ – was the only journo to predict that Blair would be a nightmare back in 1997 – It is good to learn that we have our own ‘Nostradamus’ – in Britain. I find that re-assuring)

[Note: Fettes – for those who may not know – is a public school in Edinburgh. I am sure the School is proud to have one of the most popular political figures and warmongers of the 21st Century as an old boy.]

In my ‘dreamlike’ opinion Reverend Brown is not the sort of person who has the ‘mettle’ to be a British Prime Minister – is he? I can, however, see him doing avuncular, if mildy inarticulate and rarefied, valuations on ‘Cash in the Attic.’ or ‘Bargain Hunt’

(Editorial Note: ‘Cash in the Attic is a fairly cheaply produced daytime television piece of nonsense where people sell their possessions / tat / unwanted gifts at auction. Bargain Hunt is fairly similar…as is Car Boot Sale – all derivatives of ‘Antiques Road Show’ where people (sometimes very greedy people) are told that their belongings are not worth as much as they thought they were worth. ‘Flog it” (BBC2) is yet another auction type programme. )

‘Uber Journo’ Hitchens got it right. He said on the ‘Lesser Spotted Dimbleby’s radio programmme ‘Any Questions’ last weekend that …. Blair was a puppet… and that he has absolutely no idea about politics or history (I am pretty sure I heard that). I have a view. It is this: A few years ago we lost track of him (Blair.. not Hitchens) for a couple of weeks and… the dream of New Labour evaporated. What did he do? He got on The Queen’s EasyJet Flight to Wash…. met Dubya – and against the advice of independent lawyers, distinguished academics from leading law schools and normal people – who actually did know what they were talking about – decided to depose a mad dictator who was not actually a threat to our country and took us to war in Iraq. It isn’t going terribly well.

The original Lord Protector’s death mask is a treasured possession of the state and is kept at Chequers. Perhaps, in the fullness of time, the present LP will be immortalised in the same way?

Anyway… back to my dream. Gordon is PM… It was not a very exciting dream… not like a good flying dream. Will the reality be any better? I’d rather have John Reid.

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Al-gebra man arrested…

Not mine… but I enjoyed this:

A public school teacher was arrested today at Gatwick Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Home Secretary John Reid said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the Metropolitan Police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.

“Al-gebra is a problem for us,” Reid said. “They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute values. They use secret code names like ‘x` and `y` and refer to themselves as `unknowns,` but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with co-ordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, “There are 3 sides to every triangle”.

When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister Tony Blair, speaking from his holiday resort before the planes stopped flying, said, “If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Maths Instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.”

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A tattoo…suits you…

I just could not resist this website tattoo generator..  However, you may prefer not to access it at work.  While not indecent… it may surprise your colleagues or boss should they walk in while you are creating your own tattoo.  I know it is a scorpion – but it looks like a lobster. Design your own tattoo

Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin killed by sting ray.  BBC

I don’t have a fascination with snakes, or crocodiles for that matter.  I saw enough snakes in Africa to last me a life time and a cobra sliding up my leg in my sleeping bag was far too close for comfort.  I did, however, admire Steve irwin.  His infectious enthusiasm, his almost manic behaviour on film and his amazing Aussie accent – were pure theatre.  He was also a very serious naturalist and managed to communicate quite difficult ideas by getting very close to some of the most dangerous reptiles, sharks and other creatures on earth.  If one has to die – best to die doing something one enjoys – just a great pity that he died so young.

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