I just happened to be standing outside The Bollo in Chiswick (another favourite place of contemplation) with Nick Jarrett-Kerr and Dr Friedrich Blase of EDGE International when Friedrich looked intently (in the manner which managements consultants do ) at a grotesque five seater SUV. I think it was a BMW. Friedrich is from Germany. His remark was precise. He remarked ‘What a large SUV’. This prompted Nick, who does an excellent Management Course: The Management of Professional Service Law Firms for The Legal Practitioner – available online to say “Ah…yes, Chelsea tractors…”
I can’t stand SUVs in London. Can’t see the point. Being a motorbike rider I only need to see one of these absurd vehicles being driven by a yummy mummy with two kids in the back – all three talking on their mobiles – to become very wary and give them a wide berth. Dr Friedrich asked for an explanation as to why they are called ‘Chelsea tractors.’ Nick gave him one – or should I say, rather more fittingly .. Nick explained why.
Of course, I did not just happen to be standing outside The Bollo with these two doyens of the international law consulting world – I had the pleasure of having lunch with them. As I had not seen anyone all morning, I may have talked too much. It was an enjoyable lunch. I had spaghetti bolognaise or, a fairly English version thereof – which is an excellent dish to eat when having a business lunch – the sauce goes everywhere. Dr Blase took a very pragmatic approach (Caesar salad) because he was wearing a pristine light blue shirt and had an important meeting to attend after lunch. Nick, who enjoyed a glass of Rioja, raised his eyebrows when he saw me drinking Diet Coke! I explained that I had much thoughtful work to do this afternoon and could not afford to be over refreshed while doing it. I also re-assured him that I would be drinking Rioja tonight at a special ‘gala night’ I am having at The Swan. We talked, not surprisingly, about management matters, law firms, recruitment policies. It was at this point, perhaps over stimulated by too many espressos and Silk Cut cigarettes, that I launched into my new one man show – “Charon on recruitment policies and why law firms are getting it wrong”. Nick smiled in an avuncular way. Of course, he knew what I was banging on about. He was managing partner at Bevan Ashford and has probably forgotten more about managing law firms than many managing partners know. At least Nick got something useful out of my peroration on a theme. I told him about Dan Hull’s excellent “What about clients?’ blog. This website is most interesting – and not just for managing partners.
Anyway…back to SUVs. I am pleased that the vehicles and the drivers are held up to villification and amused contempt by most Londoners. There is absolutely no excuse to drive around in such a vehicle in London. There is rarely a need, in London, to engage 4 x 4 traction, drive over ruined buildings – our roads are in a reasonable state of repair – or pull a plough behind the vehicle. I want Ken Livingstone to tax them to the hilt and would be quite happy to see the drivers of such vehicles served with ASBOs on grounds of bad taste. Have you seen the Porsche 4×4 SUV? Astonishing that anyone could be so lacking in taste and common sense to even think of buying such a monstrosity, let alone being happy to be seen driving one. Porsche 911? Fine… no problem – unless you are over 40 and are trying to look cool. Better to accept the onset of the best years of one’s life with grace than to start wearing combat trousers, trainers, camoflage tops and Police sunglasses and drive slowly down Chiswick High Street. Better, by far, to get a huge motorbike – but no leather chaps, please, chaps!
I am not in a particularly inclusive mood this afternoon. I have started work at 3.30 am every morning this week, have lost half a stone and feel ready to march against the French (again)… Cry God For Harry, St George and Rioja… have a good one.