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Archive for May 26th, 2007

Show me the way to Tenarillo…

Sha la la lala lalala
Sha la la lala lalala
Sha la la lala lalala

When the day is dawning on a 10 Downing Street morning
how I long to be there
with Hazel Blears who’s waiting for me there
every lonely city where I hang my hat
ain’t as half as pretty as where my Cabinet’s at

Is this the way to Tenarillo
every night I’ve been hugging my pillow
dreaming dreams of Tenarillo and sweet Hazel who waits for me
show me the way to Tenarillo
I’ve been weeping like a willow
crying over Tenarillo
and sweet Hazel who waits for me

Sha la la lala lalala Sha la la lala lalala
Sha la la lala lalala and Hazel who waits for me

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Apologies to the original writers / singers et al | But if you want to see the best version of “Show me the way to Amarillo (and you have probably seen it – because it was major news a year or so ago) – here it is…. Yes.. I do like this.

***

Cue…Breaking news music….

Dateline Saturday 26th May, The Bollo, London
Breaking News

From our front line correspondent

The lights have gone out in West london. As I write this I have only candle light and the glow of my battery powered laptop to see by. The light flickers in the glass of wine to my right. I am one of the lucky ones. I have a nearly full bottle of Rioja to my right and enough Silk Cut cigarettes to see me through the night.

It may be a long one. We are under seige. The weather has closed in. The rain lashes against the windows of The Bollo. Outside, in Bollo Lane, an estate agent from Foxtons is desperately trying to get back to his Mini, his umbrella shredded by the winds, hair gel running down his face onto his soaked suit.

At the next table, a couple… tourists from France…(they kept saying ‘Mon dieu’) perhaps they are lovers?… they look worried…. they have seen the lightning…they have seen the clouds part and the thunder of hooves…and four horsemen in the sky above….

They asked me what was happening. I raised my glass…. It was time for some of that British sang froid… I told them it was an English Bank holiday… absolutely nothing to worry about… rain does not always stop play in England. I showed them some card tricks, asked them “Vous etes en vacances?’.. and when they said ‘Oui’… I told them that ‘Le singe et dans l’arbre.’ It seemed to calm them down. They had heard of Eddie Izzard. They relaxed.

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Until death us do part?….

With England at 570-7 (declared) and The West Indies facing a follow on at 99-6, I decided that my presence in front of the television was no longer necessary. I could follow the game from my laptop through The Bollo Wi-fi.

It is some time since I have had to get the books on Family Law out… but I do find it somewhat bizarre that a group of judges award £48 million and then call for a reform of the law. It is unlikely that Gordon Brown will regard the specific problems of the super-rich, in the context of divorce proceedings, to be a matter requiring immediate, or even medium to long term legislative action. There are many rather more important matters in the world than the financial affairs of Mr and Mrs Wealthy in a matrimonial matter. It follows, therefore, that the judges and those unfortunate enough to find themselves appearing in the Family Division, will just have to make do with the law as it stands. I do, of course, excuse my analysis on the ground that I have absolutely no professional (or even unprofessional knowledge) of this area of the law.

Frankly, given the present state of English law on matrimonial finance matters, if someone believes now (a) in 25 years time they will be exceptionally rich, (b) they will fall out of love or otherwise decide that their marriage isn’t working/ convenient/restrictive (c) they wish to continue living in Britain and (d) don’t wish to part with 35-50 per cent of assets built up over the marriage period … then don’t get married (or get married in Russia [and live there?]), don’t live with anyone, and, certainly, don’t let them live in your garden or other land, without sending them periodic objections to stop the application of adverse possession laws.

I hope this is helpful to anyone who chances upon my blog from ‘Google’ or other search engines – after searching for information on divorce, red rubber gloves, flashing judges, or wine making in Surrey.


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