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Archive for September 15th, 2007

A sunny afternoon in West London…

Having done my ‘tabloid period’ (infra) I am seated at my desk in my office and learn, from The Independent, that a Polish computer programmer could be jailed for three years for linking a vulgar Polish word for penis (kutas) to the presidental website and, thereby, causing the presidential website to be ranked first on Google when ‘kutas’ was typed in. One would have thought the Polish president would have been pleased with the publicity… but President Lech Kaczynski (Left) did not seem to find it amusing.

Ever thorough in my research, I carried out a Google search on the Polish word Kutas. It did not bring up the President of Poland’s website. I have, however, found the President’s website. Riveting – I use the word carefully… a homage to the Gdansk shipyard and Solidarity – inspiring Poland to re-discover a degree of freedom and democracy. I have also discovered this afternoon that the current President of Poland looks just like the Prime Minister of Poland.

I was tempted to email The President of Poland, which is possible from the presidential website… but I lost the will to live when I realised that I was even thinking about doing such a thing on a sunny Saturday afternoon. I blame the bi-polar depression I am now suffering after the dual defeat of the England cricket team and the spectacularly bad defeat of the England Rugby team. (Only a week ago – England cricket, football and rugby teams won their matches. Cue: “A week is a long time in cricket, rugby, football, politics, etc etc.”)

Meanwhile, our judiciary has decided that a sentence of 10 months is suitable punishment for paedophile film downloader and actor, Chris Langham.

The Russians continue to send their Bombers towards British airspace and, of course, we respond by scrambling Tornado F3s. Given that the Red arrows are not going to be invited to the 2012 Olympics (Below), perhaps we should send the Red Arrows to intercept these Russian bombers and give ’em a bit of red, blue and white smoke instead of scrambling Tornado F3s?

On the other hand – we could get Rolf Harris to paint President Putin and really make the ‘Ruskies’ think?

For my part, I prefer the more subtle ‘psyops’ approach of sending messages of goodwill to President Putin in the form of pictures of our once and future King.

I understand that President Putin has developed a keen interest in the old Czar and early 20th century Russian history. This picture may, therefore, be a useful addition to his collection of memorabilia. My only worry is that this particular picture of our future King George VII may remind Putin of Yeltsin. This may not be a good thing and may well lead to an escalation in the the number of potential incursons into our green and pleasant airspace.

I also have a feeling, given the fact that I am confined to barracks for the next few days, that it is time to retire to bed to listen to yet more news and thence… perchance… to dream.

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There’s no proof!…

From DES BAROLO in Praia da Lush

CHARON QC hit back yesterday at ‘ludicrous and vile accusations’ being made in Portuguese newspapers that the England Rugby team can’t play rugby and that he drinks Rioja everyday. Devastated Charon, who has been named an ‘arguido’ by Portuguese police (called in to assist West London police baffled by the England Rugby team’s performance in the World Cup), flew to Portugal yesterday to answer questions from Portuguese police.

Charon (54) stated ‘there is not a scintilla of evidence to prove that I drink Rioja every day’. Charon, who has no expertise in Criminal Law, told me “I have no idea why the Policia Judiciaria are involved in the criminal performance of the England rugby players last night in the match against South Africa, nor am I able to understand why they are suggesting to West London Police Community Support officers that I may have accidentally killed myself to explain away my absence from The Bollo last night.”

Portuguese police who are not allowed to comment on matters while a case is ongoing, to protect the innocent, are saying nothing. But sources close to the police in Portugal are feeding ‘your man on The Praia’ with all sorts of speculative bollocks so we can keep you fully informed of developments as they unfold.

BRITISH PEOPLE SAVE BANK OF ENGLAND… THE PEOPLE’S BANK
From KEV ‘Ezra” POUND in Threadneedle Street

The people of Britain, bloody but unbowed after withdrawing their savings from Northern Rock, queued for hours yesterday to put their money into the Bank of England.

Mable Cleethorpes (86) said, as she was escorted out of The Bank of England by The Chief Cashier, “I had to do my bit for Britain after hearing that an old lady in Threadneedle Street had given all her savings to save Northern Rock. I used to love watching Northern Rock race at Doncaster and it brought a lump to my throat when I heard that an old lady had done so much to help this wonderful horse in his retirement. It was not much, but I can rest now that I have been able to help this old lady. A lot of other people felt the same.”

Margaret Thatcher’s state visit to Number Ten last week has got under the skin of at least one Tory. Education spokesman, Rob Wilson MP, publicly described the Iron Lady as ‘frail and lonely’ and stated that she was having difficulty with her memory. I am no Tory, and yes, it was an interesting stunt to invite her over to tea, but Rob Wilson’s statement lacked grace. A bit creepy?

Fancy a bit of dancing, Poles?
And…. The Sun stirs it again for the benefit of readers with a story today about Poland’s ‘biggest newspaper’ running a special edition bragging how easy it is to get benefits in Britain. Various pictures are published in the The Sun from the Polish paper. One shows a woman with a set of keys and holding a model of a house in the palm of her hand. Another shows a couple, the wife pushing a pram, on a backdrop of British pound notes.
“You can apply for benefits as soon as you take up a job in Great britain’ advises the Polish newspaper. It is not known whether any Polish people bank with Northern Rock.

Red Arrows ‘too British for Olympics” screamed The Sun today….

The Department of Culture, Media and Sport ruled last week, according to The Sun, that the jets were ‘unsuitable’ and ‘not in keeping with the event as they were too militaristically British’. Christ on a bicycle…. What next? I have little interest in watching athletes running a hundred metres or pole vaulting into the air. I would rather watch some bad rugby, and may not even get a chance to do that for much longer if England lose to Samoa in the World Cup. We have been burdened with the cost and duty of running the 2012 olympics.

“As far as I am concerned we need to get as much PR out of the event, publicity for business, publicity for tourism, for Britain, as we can. The sooner the fools who are running our Olympics get this message the better. The Olympics is about taking part…. Sod the athletes. Promote Britain.” Charon said today as he was led away by Policia Judiciaria officers for not having accidentally killed himself and, thereby, wasting police time.

Enough of this nonsense…and now for some different nonsense….

It seems that Dan Hull of What About Clients? may have been drinking some unusually powerful water. His latest post on his liaison dangereuse avec Ruthie of Ruthie’s Law is a masterpiece. I’m fairly sure the Policia Judiciaria will be in touch with him. [Dan… you don’t work for the Policia Judiciaria do you? – Charon]

John Bolch over at Family Lore questions whether Prince Charles, when he becomes King George, should be ‘Defender of Faith’ and suggests “Defender of Reason’ as a more suitable title – while accepting that the latter may prove to be a bit demanding.

Nearly Legal is finding Quantum to be a ‘bit of a sod’. I tend to agree, but here, I applaud his efforts to represent UK Blawgers as a group of intelligent, reasoning, beings who do, occasionally, write a bit about law. I feel inspired to do so myself… but not today. I shall do so when the Policia Judiciaria state that I am no longer ‘arguido’.

Geeklawyer appears to have developed a taste for writing about law as well. Thankfully, he still manages to find time to dredge up a few bad taste Pavarotti jokes. Apparently Geeklawyer is going to be at the Lambs Pub in Lambs Conduit Street. Should be easy to recognise. He will probably be wearing a kipper tie. Pupilblog awaits a decision on his tenancy. (Bon Chance, Pupil Blog)

Justin Patten, of Human Law, may not be doing quite as much blogging – but he has a very useful website and his mediation / ADR articles (which he also publishes on Consilio) are always worth looking at. Human Law Website.

I am taking a brief recess…. to reflect…. I’ll be back soon.

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