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Archive for October 19th, 2007

Geeklawyer and Ruthie (founders of the First UK Lawyer’s Blawging Conference – which I did manage to ‘attend’) appear to be holding a drinks party for UK Blawgers this Monday – 22nd October – (all welcome) at different locations in London. First UK Blawger’s Conference Report by Geeklawyer

Geeklawyer has the details. Geeklawyer’s event is at The Harp in Covent Garden. Ruthie is holding her event at The Cafe Royal, London – where she is attending some conference of all the talents. Just to give you a taste from the Cafe Royal website… “The Café Royal has always been synonymous with excitement, glamour and decadence – giving people what they want while introducing them to pleasures they never imagined.”

It is unlikely that Kate Moss, Pete Doherty or Amy Winelist will be attending the UK Blawger’s event… so no need to worry about not imagining pleasures you have never imagined if you do find yourself turning up at the Cafe Royal.

Well… there we are… pleasures beyond imagination at the Cafe Royal… or a drink at The Harp…. ladies and gentlemen… the choice is yours.

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Regrettably, because I am not able to attend…. I have had to provide a wholly believable / unbelievable  excuse for my non-attendance. Even the Policia Judiciaria would be puzzled with this one…. (first published on Geeklawyer’s blog)

It is with great regret that I have to announce that I will not be able to attend.

Unfortunately, I got an ASBO the other day for not cutting my hedge – despite reminders from the Police Community Support Officers who ‘attended’ to advise me of the need to do same.

Accordingly, I am now confined to barracks for 14 days and may not ‘attend’ or otherwise disport myself at any establishment selling intoxicating liquors.

Unfortunately, the truth of the matter is less exciting. I have decided to get a new heart and will be ‘attending’ at a hospital of BUPA’s choice to undergo a heart and lung transplant….

OK… That is absurd… … the truth of the matter is that I was crossing the road with five chickens late last night and they attacked me. Have you seen the size of these new mutant, globally warmed, chickens? Three feet tall… like Jurassic Park velociraptors…. I just could not fight all of them off. I have never been hen pecked… but last night was truly shocking… One of them ate my right leg…and ordered some fries from KFC to accompany it.

OK…. None of these things happened…

Think of me, mes braves… in some corner of a foreign field lies Charon….. bloodied but unbowed….

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It is unlikely that Dawn Primarolo, Minister of Health in Her Majesty’s goverment of all the talents – despite her attack on Middle-class binge drinking (which I refer to below) – will be worried about UK Blawgers doing a bit of toping on Monday 22nd October. I have a feeling she will have moved on to some other great idea… She is, remember, a politician….

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Dan… it is unlikely that you will be able to attend – but are you not impressed that UK Blawging is at the forefront of administration and law free blogging?

This weekend the England Rugby team may win the World Cup Rugby – an unusual event, where we actually play sport against foreign countries without invading them (Baseball / American football World series?) and….. there is just a possibility that one of our very expert mini-cab drivers may win a Formula One title.

Dan Hull is one of the authors of a rather good blog (What about clients?) from the US dealing with client service issues.

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The Times reports today: Ofcom is planning to licence aircraft to link up with base stations, enabling passengers to use their mobile phones.

Great. Bloody marvellous. Imagine sitting back after eating an airline meal, washed down with a decent bottle, to watch a film or sleep. In the next row Mr Tedious, tired of talking about himself for the last two hours, decides to call his pissed up mates at the Dog & Duck and shout at them in that particularly irritating way beloved of mobile users who have not quite worked out that the microphones on mobiles are fairly receptive.

The conversation may well go something like this:

Mr Tedious: “Hi… yeah… it’s me… Terry Tedious. I am on a plane… yeah…. a f*****g plane. …. Yeah…. I’m using my mobile….. What do you mean ‘am I coming down’?
Pissed mate at Dog & Duck: That you, Tezza?
Mr Tedious: Yes… I am on a plane.
Pissed mate at Dog & Duck: Are you coming down?
Mr Tedious: How often do I have to tell you… I’m on a plane…
Pissed mate at Dog & Duck: Why you on a plane Tezza?
Mr Tedious: I’m on a plane because I’m flying to a conference.
Pissed mate at Dog & Duck: A what?…sorry, Tezza, you’re breaking up….
Mr Tedious: I’m on an aeroplane, mate… a plane.
Pissed mate at Dog & Duck: Where you flying to, Tezza?
Mr Tedious: Majorca, mate….
Pissed mate at Dog & Duck: So you’re not coming down to the pub tonight, Tezza?
Mr Tedious: Look mate … how can I come down to the bloody pub when I’m on a plane?
Pissed Mate at Dog & Duck: Yeah… it would be difficult. You really on a plane?…. I thought you couldn’t use mobiles on the plane because they interfere with the aircraft navigation systems and passengers with pacemakers.
Mr Tedious: No, mate… new technology…. I am phoning you from the plane.
Pissed mate at Dog & Duck: What you want to talk about, Tezza?
Pissed mate at Dog & Duck: Tezza?… you there, Tezza?…
Pissed mate at Dog & Duck – to his other pissed mates: Tezza’s on a plane…

Mercifully, The Chief Purser removed Mr Tedious’s phone and Mr Tedious is now restrained in the back row of the Economy section of the aircraft with a blue bag over his head and a curtain pulled around the seating.

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A BBC story from the good old days… – A Saudi man is to be flogged as punishment for using a mobile telephone during an internal flight, according to a report in the Saudi press. BBC Story

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Marketing for Dummies?….

Excellent nonsense…. some seriously weird marketing…

RollonFriday picks up on the fact that Eversheds are looking for some very unusual people. I quote from the RollonFriday website:

Innovateer: the innovative volunteer, who has “good reason to appear effervescent”.
Knowlivator: the knowledgeable motivator – “they don’t just have big brains; they have big personalities too”.
Logithiser: the logical empathiser, who “readily sheds their tough exterior”.
Performibutor: the performing contributor, who “roll up their sleeves”.
Proactiloper: the proactive developer. Or a medieval practitioner of intimate surgery.
Professionary: the professional visionary. “Accuracy and punctuation are their watchwords”.
Prioricator: the prioritising communicator. “To listen to them is to understand and be convinced.”
Winnowmat: the winning diplomat – “their powerful will to win finds expression in gentle diplomacy”.

I made some investigations of my own on the relevant page of the Eversheds website and, there it was, screaming in full technicolor (sic).

When I first saw this I wondered if Eversheds had signed up George Dubya Bush to assist with their marketing efforts. The thought then crossed my mind that John “Two Shags” Prescott was not fully employed and had, clearly, secured a new position in The City…. but… it appears that this is not so. As RollonFriday said in their story: “Good grief. Some advertisiwanker got paid good money to come up with this guff.”

I know I enjoy a glass or two of Rioja at night, but whatever these guys were drinking…. I want to know their vintner.

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I leave you with this thought from George W. Bush: “I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.”

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UPDATE:  Nick Holmes of Binary Law has come up with:  Fuckateer – the fuckwitted marketeer

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