Archive for December 20th, 2007

Christmas office parties…

Tonight I walked into my usual watering hole for a quick glass of wine. It was full of unpleasantly pissed office party goers, many of whom were shouting shit at each other. Profanity and grunts and loud lewd male bonding laughter. I stood at the bar to order a drink. A man with a shaven head was having difficulty with fairly simple words and sentence structures. “Look..mate… mate look” seemed to be the limit of his ability… but then he said “Fucking fuck, mate look at that one” referring to an attractive young woman who had walked in with her boyfriend for the evening shift of office parties. Simian mate, demonstrating how close in DNA we are to primates and bananas, leered at the girl, predictably made some reference to ‘giving her one’ and then these extras from Planet of The Apes roared at each other with laughter.

They’ll probably be OK by the time they get home, after parking tigers in the road en route. Not so much a case of how to throw a good Christmas party…. more a case of how to throw up at a Christmas party.

Obviously, I am looking forward to the end of the office parties 🙂

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The beautiful game…

I must make it clear that I know nothing about football.  The new England manager/coach does know a lot about football – but he doesn’t spika da English too good.  He says he will learn it in a month.

Kelvin Mackenzie, writing in The Sun, reports: ” Capello says he will have mastered English in a month. That’s rubbish. He will be lucky to put two sentences together by the eve of our friendly on February 6 (after all, Jamie Carragher, the Liverpool defender, hasn’t mastered English yet and he’s 29).”

Mackenzie, settling into his rant, continues:

“At best Capello will speak pidgin English. How can he explain the nuances of tactics when he can’t even spell nuance? What will he do? Point at Rooney and then point at the goal? Point at Robinson and then point at the ball? Point at Lampard and then point at his penis? It’s a farce. The No 2 — who by the way is 70 — will be bloody lucky to be alive by the time the next World Cup takes place.”

Looks like we are going to be looking at 1966 World Cup footage for some time.



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