Archive for April 4th, 2008

A visit to Technorati…

Well… I had a quick look at how my blog was doing on Technorati. I do this occasionally… but this entry is priceless… and made my evening

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Memo to All Partners from Matt Muttley, Managing Partner

Following the news last week about Max Mosley, it appears that one of our ‘Platinum Club’ clients has run into a similar difficulty.

Briefly, Mr ‘X’ has a penchant for dressing up in viking clothing and going berzerk in Doncaster late on a Friday night.  He tells me that he was merely re-enacting the feats of brave vikings – The Bezerkers – who raped, pillaged and went into battle pissed out of their minds after a good night on the lash. [The picture is not our client.  I provide it merely to inform those of you who may not be familiar with bezerkers]
The local duty solicitor, who has sought our assistance, reports that the story is rather more difficult.  Apparently, Mr ‘X’ shouted at a lot of young girls in short skirts who were wearing white high heels and skimpy tops, struck several of them across the buttocks with his bare hands and then asked a group of hoodies to try and abuse him.   Unfortunately, for them, they ‘had a go’.  Three of them are now in hospital.

Mr ‘X’ is not overly concerned about the assault charges.  He has been reading up in Wikipedia about self defence and is confident he will be able to persuade the local magistrates that he was fully within his rights to defend himself again the drunken aggression of the local hoodie massif.  The girls have not pressed charges and are, I understand, taking him clubbing ‘ for a larf’ tomorrow night to do a guest spot at a hen night.  I am, as it happens, attending with the client to provide monitoring and to ensure compliance with discovery.

Our client is a well known businessman.  He has interests in Sweden and is concerned that the publicity attendant in matters such as these, if the story gets out, will have an adverse effect on his business interests in Sweden. Apparently, he sounds like the ‘mad chef’ from Spitting Image when he goes bezerking and he feels that Volvo motor cars may well say that his conduct is a disgrace and decline further business with him.

It would be useful to have your views. We may well consult counsel.  I have just the right chap in mind – a top junior who blogs anonymously under the name  Geeklawyer.  He has used some unusual techniques to appeal to judges in the past – with some success, I gather.  Eva Braun, my PA, speaks most highly of his prowess in court.

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A new road…..

Having made the decision to do more writing, in various guises, and to go back to a spot of teaching (a pleasure) – I feel strangely liberated and was most taken by this nonsense from RollonFriday this morning:

” A man was charged with public indecency after being accused of shagging a picnic table. A spokesman for local police said that Art Price Jr “would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table”. It almost makes Max Mosley look normal… Charges have now been dropped due to lack of evidence, although prosecutors say they’re re-examining the case.”

Table with umbrella hole – buy now. The fountain pictured in the distance is purely coincidental.


Gordon Brown eats vegetables – official…

I was reading the newspapers this morning for my usual daily news podcast on Consilio when I discovered that not only did Gordon Brown eat vegetables in 2005 – 2006; he paid for the vegetables on his MP expenses. As The Telegraph did not refer to vegetables being claimed for by Cyclops in previous years, one may well come to the view (as I have) that he did not eat any vegetables in the previous financial year.  He was probably abiding by his golden rule.  The Speaker, whose wife spent £4000 of taxpayer money to collect groceries by taxi, finally revealed this sensitive information about Brown the other day. Brown was out of the country attending a NATO meeting when this information came to light.

Not content with reporting on Wars, rigged elections in Zimbabwe and mindless ephemera, the BBC has ‘won a three year Freedom of Information’ battle and now knows what MPs have been claiming on their expenses. They very kindly shared it with me tonight when I logged on to their news website.

The BBC reports, solemnly: “But the House of Commons Commission argued that, a detailed breakdown of expenses could expose MPs to a security risk.” Astonishing.

“Mr Prescott claimed the most on food and groceries of the six covered by the BBC’s request – £4,000 – with Mr Blair the only other MP to claim under this category, for £174.41.”

Frankly, it is dull stuff. Most MPs spent their allowances on mortgages and cleaning, running costs etc. Not even one claim for a visit to a dungeon staffed by women dressed up as stormtroopers to watch Max Mosley shouting in German and having his head searched for lice while drinking tea – an entirely private matter and not worthy of comment in a blog, let alone a national newspaper.


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Pictures and podcasts

I am moving to a new server – so while I have started replacing picture links – the remaining pictures will be done gradually day by day. I hope to have podcasts restored and working on Wednesday of next week. (The pics will take some time to reload – as I have to do about 1500 links!.) I am working on a plan to do this more efficiently by batch changes – but I have to work out how to change the main section of the all the pic URLS, yet leave the correct image name in place!

Any ideas? Geeklawyer – do you know how I might achieve a mass URL change throughout a WordPress blog?

I am launching a new Law of Contract website where I plan to publish my book on Contract, a series of lectures, examination materials and other matters. I shall also be writing case analyses et al. I’ll have to do this in my other guise – simply because, as must be apparent to you by now, that my alter ego doesn’t seem to know any law or, if he does, he has a healthy distaste for writing about it when he is relaxing.

Right… orf to have a glass or two of Rioja. Remarkably, when I was moving some boxes , I found a case left over from Christmas 2006. God had nothing to do with it. I merely lost track of the case. It has reappeared to disappear more profitably.

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