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Archive for June 3rd, 2008

It is with deep regret that I have to inform you that Tempranillo, my close friend, monkey and confidant on Twitter, has been taken away by PCSOs for eating my hedge. I called it ‘Tough Love’…. I just had to grass him up.

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West London Man (9):  Short suits and other matters – Audio version

West London Man has been dealing with domestic matters for the last few days. Caroline is still mourning the loss of Katja, the nanny / housekeeper, who is now doing world class M&A analysis for Bank Polski back in her native Poland. The cleaning is not a problem – an agency arrives each day to deal with that – but the search for Katja’s Apprentice goes on.

George has been much taken with television and lifestyle magazine coverage of the new fashion in men’s tailoring – suits with shorts. He has just ordered two for the summer.

He turned up at his graciously appointed West London residence the other night shortly after 7.00.

George: Hello darling… how goes it?

Caroline looks at her husband, rolls her eyes and starts laughing.

Caroline: George… why have you cut the bottoms off your suit trousers?

George: I haven’t actually, darling. I’ve just had two summer suits made by my tailor. This is one of them. Cutting edge… don’t you think?

Caroline: Well… certainly cut something… George… you look ridiculous. I thought you had stopped all that dressing in the dark nonsense years ago….. really, George…. whatever possessed you?

George laughed, kissed his wife and went over to the drinks cabinet to open a bottle of ‘The Widow”.

George: Did you see that the C**t, Mugabe, is now blaming Britain for the food shortages in Zimbabwe?

George flicked his laptop open and clicked on The Times story

George: Yes… here it is… The Times is saying… and I quote: ” He said “our former colonial masters” had imposed “illegal sanctions” and tried to impose “regime change” by supporting the Zimbabwean Opposition. He did not mention that the Opposition claims to have won March’s presidential election – a vote he had been accused of trying to rig.”

Caroline: Yes… I did. Horrible business. It is a serious problem, George. Millions of people pushed into poverty and starvation. At least the international community is trying to do something about it.

George: Yes… quite… no… absolutely, darling.

George pulled his blackberry out of his jacket pocket and dialled….

George: Hello…. George here… Can I book our usual table?…. can you ask Chef if he has any lobsters? I fancy lobsters tonight. If he hasn’t got any in-house…. I’ll get a courier to get some over to him from town….. fine?….Chef has lobsters?…. Great!. See you in thirty.

George turned to Caroline… and told her, with a smile, that a baby sitter was on the way and they were going out to dinner.

***

West London Man (9):  Short suits and other matters – Audio version

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Monkey business on Twitter….

Well… it all started out well… but then Salvador Dali came to visit me with a bottle of Rioja, naturally, and I found my Twitter posts being done by a monkey… well…. a rather sophisticated gorilla with a cultured approach to life as it happens.  He even has his own Twitter account.

Nick Holmes is to blame. He has encouraged lawyers to Twitter and Tweet. I am now kept fully informed of what fellow UK Blawgers (or some of them) are doing through Twitter. I can report – not much work! A small selection of twittering for your delectation and delight…..

Geeklawyer wants to hire a monkey because they are not governed by the minimum wage legislation. Nick Holmes asks me if my monkey is called ‘Rioja’…. I call him ‘Tempranillo’… the monkey that is, not Nick Holmes and Martin George is taking a very stern line on people using Twitter to advertise. I’m afraid that Tempranillo read Martin’s post on Twitter, thought advertising was a bloody marvellous idea and has, since, been out and about with a sandwich board promoting my blawg and Twitter. John Bolch, of Family Lore, has gone AWOL from dealing with family law cases and is wandering if my monkey likes cats. And Infobunny, probably the most subversive blogger on Twitter, is launching a “harass a monkey” campaign.

As the sun sets on this proud nation of ours, know this… that we are doing our duty, we are talking complete nonsense to each other – and, yet again, it is possible that some serious US blawgers may just stand there shaking their heads and wandering how Britain does it.

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3rd June: Daily news podcasts and news

Daily newspodcast and news is now up on Insitelaw Newswire

I am twittering away – and have a Twitter toolbar on Firefox.  This makes it even easier to post nonsense.  I shall give it time.  It is a remarkably good way of finding out how other bloggers are using up their allocated span of three score years and ten!

I think I’m coming up to my 100th Daily news podcast since January – I know people listen to them.  Are they worth doing?  I quite enjoy doing them.

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