So there I was, in my Staterooms, disconsolate, bemused and silent. I had just seen the vote on the 42 days. Various politicians did their best to console those who like civil liberties by telling us that it would fail in the Lords. Even Shami Chakrabati did her best.
It was not enough. I had to fly in a helicopter over West London, implausibly, on this most implausible of days and report – and sing a version of the Teddy Bear’s Picnic.
I’m afraid you will have to click on the podcast if you want to hear my report from the helicopter and… of course, to hear me sing. It is not pretty. Today has not been pretty.
Charon After Dark: Charon sings “The Teddy Brown’s Picnic.
Lyrics … if you want to sing along…
If you go down to the commons today
You’re sure of a big surprise
If you go down to the commons today
You’d better go in disguise.
For every Brownite that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today’s the day they have their picnic.
Every DUP bear who’s been good
Is sure of a treat today.
There’s lots of marvellous things to eat
And wonderful games to play.
Beneath the trees where nobody sees
They’ll hide and seek as long as they please
‘Cause that’s the way the Brownite bears have their picnic.
***
I am applying to go on “Britain’s Got Talent” … as a singing pissartiste. I may even buy a dog and teach it to drink and walk in a straight line afterwards.