Audio version of West London Man (17): Jolly snorting weather
“Henley Royal Regatta was first held in 1839 and has been held annually ever since, except during the two world wars. Originally staged by the Mayor and the people of Henley as a public attraction….” …. zzzzzzzz…
George yawned as he read the information on the Henley Regatta website to find out where Henley was and groaned at the prospect of having to go there. He was beginning to regret having invited the minor Sheik and one of his near neighbours. George had absolutely no interest in rowing and the thought of spending hours by a glorified canal watching hoorays rowing up and down did not appeal one bit.
Caroline wandered into his small study and asked what time he was planning to leave for Henley.
“About 10.30, darling” George replied, turning to look at his wife who stood in the door way smiling.
“I suppose you’ll be drunk when you get back?”
“It is a possibility…thankfully the Sheik has to go to a dinner… but god knows how I’ll lose Buzz Lightyear.”
Caroline laughed… “Your problem. He is rather dull, but I did warn you. I’ll lend you one of my hand mirrors. If you give it to him it will keep him amused for hours, apart from using it as a chopping board. Don’t worry if you are late. Helen is coming round and we’re going to watch a DVD.”
***
As it happened George and his two guests did get to Henley in a hired limousine but found it rather dull. “Buzz Lightyear”, who managed to get through half a wrap of charlie on the way to Henley, did not help matters by stripping down to his Armani underwear and swimming across the river in the middle of one of the races; causing some alarm as the Cox on each boat altered course fairly rapidly to avoid him. The decision was taken to return to London, partly dictated by the social opprobium visited on the three men as a result of the swimming episode, and spend the afternoon at a pub in Chelsea. The Sheik decided to go back to The Dorchester and rest.
George: So, Charles… bravo performance!
Charles: Yeah…. thought I could swim faster.
George: Well your legs were certainly thrashing away… and it was quite amusing when you grabbed one of the oars and nearly overturned the boat. I don’t, however, think I’ll be going back to Henley after that tour de farce.
Charles: Got any gear? Mine got wet.
George: Jesus…. you are not telling me you keep your stash in your underwear are you?
Charles: Yes.
George: The mind boggles. Remind me not to have any of yours next time you offer.
George took out his wallet and slipped it under a copy of The Guardian that was on the table. Charles glanced from left and then to right, picked up the wallet and walked in to the pub. He returned a few moments later, slipped the wallet back under the newspaper and hailed a passing waitress to order some Champagne.
Charles: good… good… so, mate… how are things?
George: Well, apart from the fact that you have asked me eight times already today, and not much has changed, they are OK. Caroline has started working again. Business is getting a bit tight and the kids are fine… you?
Charles: Good… very good.
Cosmo reached into his jacket, took out his mobile, pressed a few buttons and held the mobile towards George.
Charles: What do you think?
George: Charles… I think you are showing me a picture of breasts… rather blurred…
Charles: Yeah…. from Latvia…
George: So you went to Latvia to take a picture of some breasts?
Charles: No… I met her the other night….
George: Charles… put your mobile away…. I’ll be right back.
George went to the Bar, ordered another bottle of champagne, and nipped off to the lavatory. As he was walking back to the bar his iphone rang
ring…ring…ring..ring.
George: Hello Katja… where are you?
Katja: In Henley, as I said I would be. You?
George: I was at Henley… we still meeting tomorrow?
Katja: Of course…. were you there when that weird guy swam across river?
George: Yep… in fact… I took him to Henley… I’m in Chelsea with him now. He’s flying.
Katja: OK… so it is problem for you, not for me. I will meet you 1.00 tomorrow. I will text place to meet.
***
Audio version of West London Man (17): Jolly snorting weather
Charon QC 