Archive for October 5th, 2008

The Prince of Darkness returns (2008)…..

The Prince of Darkness returns… a CharonCorp Film filmed in Charonvision (TM)  for the times we live in….


Gordon Brown invites David Miliband and a small group of Cabinet Ministers to investigate a mysterious cylinder in the basement of Number 10. The Head of M15 and Admiral Lord West are also present. The cylinder appears to contain a green liquid. As the evening passes into night and darkness descends over London,  it begins to possess the prime minister and those present one by one and uses them against the more skeptical Brownites present. After researching the typed memorandum from The European Commission found next to the cylinder, it is discovered that the liquid is actually Peter Mandelson himself.

The memorandum also reveals that Peter Mandelson is the protege of an even more powerful force of evil, an Anti-Brown, who is trapped in another dimension…. trying to unite the faiths of the world after converting to catholicism earlier in the year in a masterstroke of deception. Peter Mandelson possesses Gordon Brown and attempts to bring his Mentor through a dimensional portal, using a mirror.  Briefly, but only briefly, the smiling figure of Tony Blair was seen in the Cabinet Room…

At the climax of the evening, Des Browne, soon to be replaced as Minister of Defence (by necessity) in the re-shuffle,  stops Blair from returning as prime minister by tackling Blair, and both of them fall through the portal – sacrificing himself in the fashion of Jesus Christ. Unfortunately, the Prince of Darkness remained in the portal…. smiling, all too aware that once again he would stride the earth as a Cabinet Minister in a Labour government.

Although filmed as a dream sequence, it was not a dream. Gordon Brown appears to awaken, and rolls over to find Satan, in the form of Peter Mandelson, lying in bed with him. Brown then awakens fully… screaming, recovers, and approaches his bedroom mirror, hand outstretched in friendship and says “Peter… you shall go to the Lords and be among us once again.”


With apologies to John Carpenter’s Film (1987)

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And so the rains came.  I felt like Noah, but thankfully Chelsea FC football supporters did not feel the need to file two by two onto the boat.  Staying with biblical references just for the present – a hat tip to James Higham of Nourishing Obscurity for the link – but it seems that the godbotherers have decided to issue Ten Commandments on Blogging. Normally, of course, I only need to see the words religion, christian and islam to reach for the bottle,  but on this occasion I decided to have a look. After trudging through dessicated prose I finally got to the section where they state ‘tongue in cheek’ that they were drafting Ten Commandments…”The commandments are intended to cause bloggers to consider the social impact of their blogging.”.  I won’t bore you with all Ten… but there were a few that appealed to me:

2. You shall not make an idol of your blog.
3. You shall not misuse your screen name by using your anonymity to sin.
6. You shall not murder someone else’s honour, reputation or feelings.
7. You shall not use the web to commit or permit adultery in your mind.
10. You shall not covet your neighbour’s blog ranking. Be content with your own content.

Not content with this, the mumbo jumbo merchants have also come up with A Blogging Relationship Commitment: “We urge Christians to pray as Christ prayed, that we may be one in the Father and the Son, and so by the Spirit promote personal relationships of love, peace and fellowship within Christ’s universal Church, both online and offline.”

They do cover the sabbath by urging godbloggers in Commandment 4: Remember the Sabbath day by taking one day off a week from your blog.”

Rather takes all the fun out of blogging… so I shall be ignoring these Ten Commandments.

Resisting the urge to say “And on the third day the website came back online”… I move on to thank a good friend of mine, a former London barrister now living in Australia, for sending in the pic to the left. She has a good eye for the surreal!.

And so it came to pass as I poured some communion wine into my glass that I thought of other things…

Gordon Brown has re-shuffled his Cabinet and, to the astonishment of the media has brought back the Prince of Darkness, Peter Mandelson and revived the political career of Margaret Beckett. Perhaps inspired by this, I appear to have spent of my weekend re-shuffling my drinks cabinet, removing several junior bottles and a vintage performer.  It is good to prune one’s cellar ruthlessly at the weekends. In fact, as I write, I have summoned another junior bottle.  I just had to be open with it.

So what have the bloggers been up to in a week when the financial meltdown continued? As I tend to profile serious law blogs in Insitelaw mag during the week, I am free to have a look at the less serious and bizarre on this blog.

So we go over now to Never Mind The Bollix, the blog building up again gradually after a recent drunken deletion of the entire work, to learn that Jimmy Bastard’s wife – a barrister who sometimes has to work in Edinburgh, needs a Taser. Jimmy Bastard, it appears, bought such a device. I shall give you a taste… in the bard’s own words…“What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best…I’m sitting there alone, the mutt looking on with his head cocked to one side as if to say, “don’t do it you silly bastard,” reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little thing couldn’t hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it.I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!” For the rest of the story…..

Puts my sticking dental crowns back in with superglue well into the shade.  Excellent performance.

Ms R, a Woman of Experience, as ever writes with passion…Ok, no more bailouts. No more rescue packages. Having recently watched Ms R get the man/ dating thing wrong again, her girlfriends can no longer stand by.”

What About Clients? revives one of their earlier posts “The 7 habits of highly useless corporate lawyers”.  Apart from being amusing… it has instructional value.  Worth a click… definitely.

I visit Bystander JP’s The Magistrate’s Blog most days – for an insight into what is going on the world of crime.Bystander has a rather amusing post today. Oops…. I quote:Any advocate will be aware of the golden rule – never ask a question in court unless you already know the answer. Here’s an example from the other day:-

Barrister to police officer:- “Officer, are you familiar with car engines, and how they warm up and cool down?”
PC: “Yes, Ma’am. Before my present post I was a traffic officer for six years.” (30-love)
Barrister: “Does that make you a technical expert?”
PC: “Not completely, but I did serve seven years in the Royal Electrical and Mechanical Engineers, where I was a motor vehicle specialist”. (Game, set, and match)
Barrister: “Right. Let’s move on”.

It has been a curious weekend…. a lot of rain. Need to fix something to eat…. may be back later.

As ever, best regards

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