You wouldn’t expect a Vicar to turn up at hospital with a potato stuck up his arse would you? – but truth is stranger than fiction and, indeed, The Telegraph reported only recently.. “…a clergyman, in his 50s, told nurses he had been hanging curtains when he fell backwards on to his kitchen table. He happened to be nude at the time of the mishap, said the vicar, who insisted he had not been playing a sex game.”
Only this morning, as I administered a bit of communion wine to my cousin Charon QC as we had a full English breakfast at a Cafe on The King’s Road, I read in The Sun the truly shocking story about another Vicar, a Church of England Vicar, who rolled up pissed to conduct services and who had been on ‘swinger’s holidays’.
I don’t know what they put in the communion wine over here but only the last time I came over to London to do an exorcism, The Bishop of Southwark was sporting a very fetching black eye. The Telegraph reported at the time that “he could not remember being “mugged” following a drinks reception at the Irish embassy.”
Witnesses were able to assist the Bishop with his temporary amnesia and are quote as saying ” They say he ended up in Crucifix Lane, a largely deserted street next to railway arches near his cathedral, at 9.30pm where he clambered into a stranger’s Mercedes and started throwing toys on to the road. Paul Sumpter, the car’s owner, was playing pool in Suchard Bar when he heard his vehicle alarm go off. He ran outside and saw Mr Butler, dressed in his robes and a smart black over coat, sitting in the back seat throwing out the toys.
Mr Sumpter said to him: “What are doing in my car?”
Mr Butler replied: “I’m the Bishop of Southwark, it’s what I do.”
I’m not in town for long – just doing a bit of Le Credit-Crunch shopping, speak to my stockbroker and see if there are any stocks going cheap and then back to Rome to flog a few relics to the faithful.
I shall leave you with this thought from W C Fields “I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.”
Charon QC is dining at a restaurant in Chelsea and will return later….