Archive for September 15th, 2009

Today… I speak to you from beyond the grave….

With all these rather good people dying of late – I refer to Keith Floyd, of course, not Whacko Jacko… I thought I would write an obituary…. my own… or at least part of it… I may keep it updated as I pass through what remains of my life.    Those of us in the age group 50-65 are, of course, on the ‘at risk of death’ register.  It genuinely doesn’t bother me… because I won’t know I’m dead.

Anyway… back to the matter in hand…

Today I speak to you from a very different place.  It’s OK… a bit hot I grant you, but there is a well stocked bar and I can light my cigarettes from a nearby flame.  I’ve only got one criticism… they only sell Marlboro full strength down here…. but as the guy who checked me in said, with a wry smile… “What the hell”.

Not surprisingly, the place is crawling with lawyers, SEOs and marketers… no law bloggers yet… but that… can only be a matter of time… and I have always been a patient man.  The trip across the Styx was brief… the new guy pulls a better oar than I ever did, despite all that Smokedo I did…. which, ultimately, did me in….

I didn’t tell you when I was alive… but I rather overdid the Smokedo weight training and one day… with nearly 150lbs above my head, I felt my triceps go… the weights landed on my head…. and while I carried on for a while, producing podcasts and updating the magazine each day, you may have noticed… but I started writing about law, analysing cases and generally behaving in an altogether too sensible way on my blog….  but there we are… man who is born of woman and all that… has but a short time to drink… and my number came up on the bingo…. my call sign was “Legless Eleven”… and that was it… into a shroud…. onto the boat, silver coin to the new ferryman,  and after a quick induction, I got my room key, a very fine towelling dressing gown, and off to the sauna for a rub down and some Rioja…. yes…. not bad so far…

I’ll keep you posted.

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Comment du jour: Gold diggers and vandals

It occurred to me the other day that I am supposed to be a law blogger and, therefore, I should write about the law.  This seemed such a self evident proposition; providing opportunity to ‘wind up’ the serious  bloggers on specialist legal topics and provide a voxpop view of law all in one…

So.. from today, until I get bored with this, or until I am hounded in my Staterooms by law bloggers carrying flaming torches… I shall comment on the laws of England & Wales with my ‘Comment du jour’

Gold diggers

Let me say at once that I have absolutely no interest in –  nor knowledge of  – Family Law.  I have an ASBO which prevents me from going within 200 yards of a Church, register office or other place where matrimony is dealt.  My eye, however,  was caught by an article in The Times yesterday.

Baroness Deech, academic, pundit and maven on Family law,   is calling for an end to the idea that women deserve half of their husbands’ wealth on divorce. Lady Deech says: “The notion that a wife should get half of the joint assets of a couple after even a short, childless marriage has crept up on us without any parliamentary legislation to this effect.” Judges are ignoring the statutory direction to try to achieve a “clean break” between divorcing couples.

It was at this point in the article by Frances Gibb, legal editor of The Times,  that I could feel my life draining away and my ignorance of family law surfacing like a U-boat that has had quite enough of depth charges being hurled at it by men in camel coloured dufflecoats.

I confess to being totally baffled by a law which allows a woman like Heather McCartneyMills to walk away with a great deal of loot after a very short marriage but, at the same time, I  do understand that many women end up in loveless marriages, twenty odd years down the line – the kids departed – to find their husband in front of the mirror preening himself, dressed in  three quarter length cut off trousers and a surfing shirt, believing himself…implausibly often…  to be 25 again and saying that he is running off with a German bird he met in Magaluf or Ibiza.

The difficulty, as I see it, is consistency.  Can we have one law for gold diggers and one law for others? Perhaps Family lawyers reading this would be kind enough to illuminate my darkness on this?

I understand that a high class hooker in Mayfair will charge £1000 to ‘accompany one to dinner’. Even if one were particularly greedy and wanted to eat 100 dinners with such a beauty in a year, this would only cost £100,000 plus dinner (and may even be tax deductible if consultancy arrangements are in place?) Over three years this would amount to £300,000 – rather less than having to fork out many millions to an airhead that one fancied when the magic bus arrived with her on board three years before.  (The magic bus, for those unfamiliar with the term is a curious phenomenon that afflicts many who drink.  They drink a fair bit, go to the lavatory and return to the table in the pub or restaurant to find that the magic bus has arrived and there is a beautiful woman sitting at the table ….or the entire room is suddenly filled with beautiful women.  I understand that women can be also be affected by the magic bus phenomenon.)

Have a I got a lot of sympathy for blokes who end up forking out millions to gold diggers?  Not really.

And on to Vandals….

The BBC reports…. A graffiti vandal responsible for hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of damage across London stands to make a four figure sum by selling his work.

Daniel Halpin was given an ASBO and jailed for spraying his TOX tag on trains and walls for nine years. Now he is selling 100 canvases, bearing his notorious mark, at £75 each. Although the law prohibits people from profiting by criminal acts, the BBC has learned he will be able to keep the cash because of a “glaring loophole”.

Well… there we are… only 7.30 am… and there is a bit of law on my blog.  Breakfast awaits…. back tomorrow with another Comment du Jour?

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