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Archive for May 5th, 2010

Today I am talking to Ian Parker-Joseph former leader of the Libertarian Party UK and now a keen supporter of the Albion Alliance. We explore libertarian ideals, the Albion Alliance and look back over the campaign and consider what lies ahead.a

This is the last in my series of election political podcasts….

Listen to the podcast

Ian Parker-Joseph’s blog

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Emily Nomates, Editor of Guy News | Tom Harris MP | Iain Dale, Blogger and pundit | Tom Williams | Carl Gardner | The Great Ignored

Geoffrey Woolard PPC for Cambridgeshire South East

Old Holborn

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In recent weeks, The Sun has had a ‘real life’ cab driver interviewing the leading politicians.  The cabbie starts by saying that he is a floating voter and asks the politicians what they offer to a voter like him.  I thought I would join in…

Below is a transcript….

Charon: Good morning…El Vino’s on Fleet Street, please

Cabbie: You what?

Charon: El Vino’s, Fleet Street.. it is a wine drinking establishment.. a place where topers can take the pleasures of the vine with other like minded people… a bit like Parliament, in a way.

Cabbie: I’m a floating voter… what are your thoughts on the election.

Charon: I’m a floating drinker myself… there is just so much choice… the Reds suit my tastes more these days.

Cabbie: So you’re a Labour man then?

Charon: Haven’t done any labouring for thirty-five  years… not since I paid my way through law school digging graves

Cabbie: You what?

Charon: Yes… dug graves while I was at law school… used to take my spade to tutorials.

Cabbie: I had that Clegg in the back of my cab yesterday…but he hasn’t got what it takes, Nick hasn’t got what Cam has

Charon: Hasn’t got what that it takes, hasn’t got a cab….?  ah… got you… Taking & Driving Away…. criminal offence, you know… so he tried to nick your cab?  Good grief… what is the world coming to…still, I suppose that in these difficult days he had to get to his next gig somehow…

Cabbie: You what?  No… he didn’t try to nick my cab… he hasn’t got what it takes….

Charon: I saw in The Sun that George Osborne was driving your cab…. I wouldn’t have thought he would have had to nick a cab…. easy enough for him to call a rickshaw from CCHQ,  he is Shadow Chancellor after all.

Cabbie: You what? Look… the country is in a mess… what are you going to do about it?

Charon: It’s not my fault the country is in a mess… I do my best to prop up the coffers… by smoking excessively, drinking to an acceptable degree of lack of moderation…. and I’ll probably die young and save the Treasury a lot of money by not going completely gaga in a residential care home.

Cabbie: What plans have you to reduce the deficit?

Charon: I bet you say that to all the boys!  OK… since you ask… I’d do this… I’d sack as many civil servants as I could find doing nothing of value, get rid of PCSOs, fire managers in the NHS, save for those who are absolutely essential, tear up all the rules and regulations which inhibit new businesses, cut out this nonsense on everyone performing to targets, stop police wasting police time on form filling, repeal the smoking ban for pubs who don’t wish to pretend they are gastropubs or who are prepared to open smoking only rooms – this would improve the pub sector, raise more revenue for the Treasury and make Britain a happier place –  tear up ID card plans, make Trident last a few years longer until we have the money to actually pay for it, or get the Yanks to help us as a payback for all the help we give them with their PR fuck ups, fire non-essential staff in the town halls, close down all the quangos and let the civil service and ministers think for themselves with existing resources, reduce taxes on top earners so that they feel encouraged to go out an earn more, which we can then tax normally,  raise VAT on luxury goods, reduce VAT on staples, encourage the private sector to sponsor education –  they, after all, are the recipients of the graduates in finance, accountancy, law, engineering etc etc etc,increase stamp duty on houses over £250,000 – people can move to a better house when they and the country can afford it, and encourage nuclear power and green power before the lights go out.  I’d also  tax all organisations providing private education… I’m happy that these institutions provide private education but it would be fair to plough some of their profits back into the state sector so we can improve education for all  – and, of course, I’d have a look at waste..  but everyone says that…. and finally… I’d repeal useless laws, reduce sentences, try and find other ways of dealing with minor offenders other than jail, stop nanny knows best interference in people’s lives, tear up a fair number of health and safety laws and legalise drugs…. which may well have the effect of reducing crime… if people want to stuff plant food up their noses, why should we pay vast amounts of money to stop them doing it, then try them, and then pay for their accommodation inside.. complete waste of money… let the police get on with rather more serious matters….let people take charge of their own lives on dangerous activities and take the consequences when they do.

Cabbie: Bloody hell… Guv… you should get a knighthood for all that!

Charon: Thank you… but I’m only interested in honours I can get by bribery, award myself  or buy on the internet…. how much do I owe you…? we seem to have arrived

Cabbie: On me, Guv

Charon: Really?  No… I could not possibly accept… that would not be a socialist thing to do… we all have to make a living…just all well I have absolutely no interest in being a politician… you can thank me for the ride, should you ever need legal advice…as I suspect you were expecting someone else to get in… another time… Bye!

Cabbie: You what?

Verdict from the Cab

The guy was barking…calls himself a socialist… don’t make me larf!

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