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Archive for June 16th, 2010

Clegg seems to be unveiling a lot of plans these days – or perhaps it is just the latest cliche from the mainstream media?  Anyway – here is a totally preposterous plan unveiled by the Beloved Dear Deputy Leader Clegg Il Sung… as reported in The Guardian…..

Nick Clegg unveils plan to give Lib Dems independence from government

Guardian: Proposals include committees to scrutinise departments, allowing chairs to ask questions autonomous from coalition

I thought the Lib-Dems were in the government?  How can they be both in it and out of it.?

Frankly… I’d like to see Clegg and iCam, Britain’s favourite App,  do a Sand Dance… I’d pay money to see that.  It can only be a matter of time…. and I have time on my side!

Here is some rare footage of Dave & Cam auditioning.  Captured on an iPad 2.0 they tell me.

I probably spend too much time on Twitter… but Obama is beginning to get on my nerves.

And George Osborne gave his speech at the Mansion House… and abolished the FSA, gave power to Merv, who is probably now the most powerful central banker in Europe…and he saw that it was good.  I always enjoy chatting to mates on twitter and @ENomates always has something interesting  to say!

As with all tweet grabs… you have to start at the bottom and work up… a bit like life, really.

Emily NoMates asks… has the market found its ‘W’ Bottom?

The FSA will cease to exist in its current form

Selected highlights from Chancellor’s Mansion House speech:

Mansion House speech: Supping with bankers

Guardian: The Tories were always ahead of Labour when it came to reform, but George Osborne has still not gone far enough

I’m like a dog with a bone, sometimes…..

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Dr Wolfgang Becker,  Rechtsanwalt, solicitor and a partner in Muttley Dastardly LLP, was originally admitted to The Partnership to leverage the value of marriage failure among the seriously rich business and celebrity sectors. In but two months he  has billed ‘comfortably into seven figures’.  For reasons of taste, discretion and taxation, The Partners of Muttley Dastardly LPP never reveal financial information to the Press.

Today, I met with Dr Wolffgang Becker in his well appointed office on the fifth floor. I was surprised by the design of the office which  comprises of two staircases leading down to a central hall.  Two high backed Chippendale chairs were placed opposite each other by the wall facing a vase of flowers.  There was no sign of any office paraphernalia, no computers, nothing to give the impression that I was in a leading family lawyer’s office.

Dr Becker appeared from the left hand staircase, dressed in a black linen Nehru suit and a pair of  tassled black suede loafers.  He wore yellow socks.  Clipped and precise, he shook my hand, asked for my Amex card and then remembered that I was not a client, but was visiting for the purpose of an interview to gain an insight into the mind of a man who was at the very forefront of the world of family law in the new era of the Legal Services Act.

“Old habits die hard” he said laconically as he invited me to take the chair opposite.  “Would you like some champagne or coffee?  Tea perhaps?  We have many types of tea here.  It is not a drink I care for myself, but many of our clients are English and they often find  solace in taking tea while they brief me on their ideas for divorce and, more importantly for them and ourselves, the financial arrangements.”

I accepted his offer of a glass of champagne. Within ten seconds a butler arrived with two glasses of champagne. He seemed to appear from nowhere, but in fact entered through the door at the end of the central hall beyond the flowers.

“I’m impressed” I said. “You didn’t appear to give any instructions.”

Dr Becker smiled and waved his hand dismissively. “Everything is recorded here.  My staff are listening in.  It is so much easier to have a precise record on digital file, wouldn’t you agree?

“Your record with high value clients is impressive Dr Becker”  I said, rising to the occasion by not referring to any of the notes I had made earlier. “But tell me, why is Muttley Dastardly LLP entering the mass divorce market at a time when family lawyers are feeling the pinch, when legal aid is being cut, when family law barristers say they can no longer afford to take on cases?”

“You have answered your own question Herr Professor Doctor Charon.” Dr Becker replied, clearly mistaking me for my rather tedious brother, Professor RD Charon PHD, FRSA “It is precisely because the general practitioner in this country is abandoning this sector that we feel we can …. shall we say….. hoover it all up and by using the internet, call centres in India and cheap but highly effective lawyers in India,  who are becoming more and more expert in English Law….maximise the profit.”

“Do you have a brand name for this new divorce service?” I asked, draining my glass.  Within seconds the butler appeared with a second glass of champagne on a silver tray.  I took it without demurring and thanked the butler for his attentiveness.

“Ja!  Of course. Megaladon is the vehicle we use for all our mass market law operations, personal injury, negligence, conveyancing….  I wanted to call it  Megaladon with your wife or husband?, but Matt Muttley, our CEO, thought the humour was just too black even for us.  He was probably right.”

I managed to suppress the hysteria rising from the very core of my being, drained the second glass in one and asked “And how do you make your money?”

“We accept a range of credit cards Herr Professor.  Do you have any other questions?”
Before I could reply, the butler appeared with a bill for £52 + 12.5% service.  He handed me the portable credit card machine and smiled.  There is no need to leave a gratuity, Sir.  Service is included.”

Dr Becker smiled “Good champagne, Ja….? I’m sure you will be able to get it back on expenses.   There are no free lunches in life, Herr Professor Dr Charon,  and certainly there aren’t at Muttley Dastardly LLP. As there is not an opportunity to bill for your time with me today, we have to cover the costs.  £52 for three and a half minutes is well below what I would ordinarily charge, of course – but it has been a pleasure to meet you.  Give my regards to your brother Charon QC… Tell him that I was so fascinated with his new iCharonphone and the iDNA app which I saw on his blog only this afternoon that I have downloaded Cellmark’s application.  Most useful.  It will be most useful for our work here and, quite possibly for personal use also.  It has been a pleasure to meet you.”

With that, Dr Becker was gone.  He seemed to glide, rather than walk.  I smiled as he went up the staircase on the right and thought to myself… “How marvellously  Germanic… one staircase for down, one for up.”  The £52 I paid for the champagne was worth every penny.  I should be able to recover this ‘disbursement’  from Matt Muttley when we meet as Ascot later this week.  I, too, have one of those portable credit card reading devices. I shall be taking it with me to Ascot.  One must, after all, be prepared.

***


Cellmark supports the Insite Law free student resource, so I am more than happy to punt their new iDNA app!  If you are a family lawyer – it could be most useful! I’m going to download one myself and see what happens!

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My paternity has, on occasion, been called into question during my increasingly (pleasingly) long life – but now, should I be minded to, or have to, prove it there is information to hand with iDNA. DNA by Cellmark. iDNA “is designed to provide you with the information you need before you decide to undergo DNA relationship testing”, and includes a facility that “offers existing customers the opportunity to check the progress of their DNA testing case”, whether they be lawyers, doctors or private individuals. It also includes “details of the wide range of different types of DNA relationship testing that Cellmark offers”.

Cellmark Marketing Manager Paul West says: “The key thing for the legal community is that it provides an aide memoire about DNA testing – offering advice on the effectiveness of each type of testing and also provides videos about the key issues and for existing customers of Cellmark they can quickly and simply check on the progress of a case.”

iDNA is available from the iTunes Store for NOTHING!  This means you will be able to buy a Vuvuzela after all! =========<0 BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

THE MONGOLIERS – AN UPDATE

Some time ago I wrote about The Mongoliers… two intrepid souls.  Here is an update on the story so far!
With The Two Mongoleers (Laura Over and her friend Paul Evans) due to set off in only six weeks we thought it an apt time to bring you another update on their rally shenanigans. The pair will be taking part in The Mongol Rally 2010, and spending five weeks driving over 10,000 miles from Brighton to Mongolia in an effort to raise money for charity.
Amongst many difficult obstacles, they’ll be attempting to cross 14 countries and the fourth largest desert in the world (The Gobi).  Not an easy task in a 1 litre Polo (donated by Jefferies Farm, Crawley)!  The two have poured their heart and soul into the adventure for the last year – fundraising, researching, sourcing a vehicle, getting injections and arranging visas and equipment. They even rolled up their sleeves and completed a two day intensive mechanics course so they have a hope of fixing their car (and getting themselves out of a whole heap of trouble!) if and when they break down in the middle of absolutely no-where.  Laura (who is in her fourth year of training as a legal executive and works for asb law LLP in Crawley) says “With no back or support team to assist us, completing the rally will be no easy task, but we’re up for the challenge! We’ve worked hard and can’t wait.”

The pair have so far raised over £1,100 for their three charities – The Christina Noble Children’s Foundation, Cancer Research and The Neurofibromatosis Association.  Whilst they offer a big thank you to all those who have shown their support so far by providing equipment and charitable donations they still need some help getting to their target of £2,000. For any of my readers who would  like to lend a much needed hand, do check out their website www.thetwomongoleers.co.uk

The teams are due to set off on 24th July from Goodwood – The Festival of Slow! It will be a great day out with food stalls, performers and musicians. Plus, it will be a good chance to wish The Two Mongoleers a safe journey as they (and the other 299 teams) set off on this quite daunting adventure.  It’s a free event and all are welcome.  Bon Voyage!

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Please make sure you’ve got your volume turned on.

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