Fiends, it is 150 hours, since I became leader of my Party and I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all the unsolicited advice you have given me and for the votes from the Union members – although not those fuckwits who were too thick to follow basic instructions about ticking a box saying they were a supporter of the Ed Miliband Party which, had they done so, would have given me even more votes in my overwhelming victory. I know that all MPs and Members of my party are united and, in unison, are incredibly honoured to have me as their leader.
CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP
David, I want to say to you, I have always known what an extraordinary leader of your Party you are. And now you are about to show to everyone else with the graciousness you have shown since last Saturday when I was overwhelmingly elected to be leader of my party, and the extraordinary and inspiring speech you are about to make to your party, what an extraordinary person, like me, you are. Thank you.
CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP
Conservatives, let me scotch it about David and me right away. David, I love you very much. I respect and admire the eloquence and strength you showed on your holiday in Cornwall some years ago when, selflessly, you modelled the entire range of summer clothing from the Boden catalogue, thus laying the foundations for your rise to power. I respect and admire the commitment you have shown to make your party both a serious party of government and community-based movement.
David…. even when you threw my party out of government I loved you, because I am an optimist, leader of a new, re-born, regenerated, reinvigorated, resurgent and re-programmed Labour movement – we are the new optimists…..never in my wildest imagination did I believe I would become leader of my party and cruelly destroy the dreams and aspirations of another David. I shall use this prescience running a government in the future, possibly even with you, because I love you so much.
CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP
[Why are you Clapping? Asked David Miliband of Harriet Harman QC – Can’t you see he has lost the plot?]
David… because I love you so much, and being an optimist and leader of another great party….mine….I wish you well with ‘Conference’ this coming week….. We all know how much we both have to offer our country in the future.
***
PS… I’ve attached a picture of me with Lord Windbag – another famous Leader of The Labour Party who didn’t win an election, for your library archive which I promise I won’t nationalise when I come to power. That is the sort of thing my brother would have done….he nationalised my trainset you know… I may have told you. I was a deprived child. I didn’t have many jokes… in fact this is my only joke…so I may have told you it before…..
Its kinda funny one😀
I don’t know why but it just make me laugh