A MESSAGE FROM DR ERASMUS STRANGELOVE
Partner and Director of Education, Muttley Dastardly LLP
Dear Prospective Applicants,
It is that time of year again. You are back at university. The long summer holidays are over. Binge drinking in Cornwall is a long distant memory. Your *Gap Yah* is finished and your parents are now able to get on with what is left of the rest of their lives knowing that you are safely on the treadmill called life. Now you are back at your cash poor universities or are attending one of the shiny new, reassuringly expensive, law schools doing your LPC. If you haven’t already been snapped up by one of the big law firms, sponsoring you, you are probably sick with worry about your future prospects – and, frankly, you have every reason to be. We are not out of the bears shitting all over the credit crunch woods yet… Lord Browne is about to release his entirely predictable report to allow the Vice Chancellors to increase their fees, law firms are still reeling from the credit crunch… well…some law firms are…we at Muttley Dastardly LLP are not..in fact, to be honest, we are rather enjoying it.
Over the next few weeks, on The Lawyer, Legal Week and LawCareers.net websites you will be able to find lots of shiny brochures to download from BIG law firms and BIG law schools – implausibly showing pictures of glossy potential lawyers smiling away….possibly even sitting on the grass…although why they should be sitting on the grass when they should be inside working is a matter of some surprise to *US* at Muttley Dastardly LLP.
There will be lots of pictures of young people in suits, carrying briefcases, looking busy and important. Our Psyops team has replicated the genre below…. we’ve gone for the lawyers happy on a beach look… (right).
OK… we talk straight… expensive… but straight at Muttley Dastardly LLP. Listen up…. and, I cannot resist using that dreadful phrase so beloved of cliche ridden writers…and smell the coffee.
1. The economy will improve
2. Law firms will recover
3. Universities will raise their fees – and so will the BIG law schools for you (although not for us!)
4. The Legal profession is changing – read the journals and keep up to date.
5. You have to get a 2.1 to even stand a chance of selection for a decent law school at LPC level and, being honest, a decent university if you are going to get into a City law firm or any major commercial firm.
6. Being really honest… you haven’t a chance of getting into Muttley Dastardly LLP unless you went to Oxbridge or a top Russell Group university – why would *WE* take second best?
7. Be realistic… City practice is not for everyone – there is a wonderful world of law out there for lawyers who don’t want to be rich beyond the dreams of avarice, who don’t want to be movers and shakers in the City and business world, who don’t want to rub shoulders with the likes of Duncan Genocide from The Dragon’s Den. [Good one, Harry & Paul] We don’t have a clue what these lawyers do… but hey.. there must be a Facebook group.. or Twitter hashtag… and you could always Google?! FTW!…as, I believe, some say….. LMFAO, ROFL etc etc etc…..
8. We will always be honest with you…. if we take you on as a trainee, you will be worked beyond the limits of The Human Rights Act, you will learn a great deal about *OUR* type of practice and if you don’t cut it… we will give you a black plastic bag to take your belongings away in and that’s it.
Good luck with your studies this year. I look forward to hearing from you… if you think you are hard enough.
Dr Erasmus Strangelove
Strength & Profits
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