By popular demand – the return of our very successful Banking course – 2 years CPD
A Personal Christmas Statement to clients from Dr Erasmus Strangelove
I was pleased to see, while casually reviewing CCTV footage of our associates workfloor on Christmas Day, that good legal work was being done. It was pleasing to note that the security provided by G5S was impeccable. Not one associate escaped during the 12 hour day.
I am able to report that profits accruing to The Partners this year exceeded expectation, despite the best endeavours of the present government which is doing all it can to dissuade people from going to law or, indeed, from going into the law.
The Partners had lunch on Christmas Eve, the cullinary details of which do not need to be revealed on grounds of decorum. We discussed, inter alia, the remarkable appointment of Chris ‘Kill a Burglar’ Grayling as Lord Chancellor. We marvelled. One of our number marvelled too much and, sadly, had to be given a Heimlich maneuver (sic) to cure unstoppable laughter. Unfortunately, the procedure failed. We were, however, able to schedule the funeral immediately as he had no family and he will now rest in pieces rest in peace buried in our new roof garden. As he was not a god botherer there was no need for any religious element to the tasteful funeral we held. It was a brief ceremony – 2.38 minutes of billable time. He would have been pleased that we were able to charge this as a disbursement to his favourite client as ‘perusal’.
We were able this year, at modest cost to the client, to wish our clients a Happy Christmas and a VERY prosperous New Year. This fee item will show on your personal account as “Christmas Advice”.
If you would like any of your friends in need of legal services to be wished a Happy Christmas by any member of Muttley Dastardly LLP – please log into your personal MDLLP screen. Christmas messages are very reasonably priced this year. Your chosen message from us will be billed in the usual way.
I will write again in the New Year, quite possibly on New Year’s day, to see if we are able to assist you with legal issues or, indeed, suggest some.
Dr Erasmus Strangelove
Senior Partner
“Strength & Profits”
The last six months of 2013 was wiped out for me in terms of touring and sustained writing due to an unpleasant spinal injury – sustained while shaving when I tripped on a bathmat and fell backwards into the bath. The doctor cheerfully told me that I was lucky. It could have been far worse. The dark side of my mind could not resist asking him if ‘worse’ meant ‘a bit of mortal coil shuffling’. The doctor was a fine man of medicine, but I don’t think he was used to ‘gallows humour’ from patients, so I left him to do the doctor bit.
Charon QC 