Statement from Muttley Dastardly LLP on SRA scrapping minimum trainee wage and plans for No fault sackings

FROM THE OFFICE OF DR STRANGELOVE, SENIOR PARTNER, MUTTLEY DASTARDLY LLP To: All staff 21st May 2012 RE: SRA scrapping of trainee minimum wage and Government  ‘No fault Sackings’ proposals 1. The Partners met for a private lunch at Alan Ducasse’s rather fine restaurant at The Dorchester today to consider the implications of the scrapping [...]

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Press Announcement: Muttley Dastardly LLP take on the new world of legal services with *Lawyerborg 2.0*

PRESS RELEASE In just seven days Dr Erasmus Strangelove, senior partner of Muttley Dastardly LLP, will reveal Lawyerborg 2.0 – 20% paralegal 80% machine with no inbuilt soul issues. Dr Erasmus Strangelove said today in Dubai: “We believe that our new creation will transform the way legal services are delivered in the United Kingdom.  We [...]

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Muttley Dastardly LLP: Abusus non tollit usum… Abuse of a right does not invalidate use

The Partners of Muttley Dastardly LLP meet in closed session each Friday at 10.00 am.  Following the unfortunate departure from the firm of managing partner Matt Muttley in the summer of 2011, Dr Erasmus Strangelove has taken over the leadership of the firm as CEO and Senior Partner. A transcript of Dr Strangelove’s speech follows…. [...]

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Breaking News: Matt Muttley DEAD!! – Dr Erasmus Strangelove takes over as CEO, Muttley Dastardly LLP

STATEMENT FROM THE DESK OF DR ERASMUS STRANGELOVE, CEO AND SENIOR PARTNER It is with deep regret, see above, that I announce the death of Matt Muttley.  I have known Matt for many years  Together, we built profits, capital reserves and tax efficient schemes only dreamed of in some law firms.  Matt Muttley, inspired by [...]

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Muttley Dastardly LLP (22): A trainee is interviewed for a training contract

Eva Braun, Matt Muttley’s PA, elegantly dressed as always in a tailored black suit and high heels,  led a young man into the Partner’s Boardoom and seated him at the opposite end of the long boardroom table.  He had a brown paper bag over his head. Dr Erasmus Strangelove, Director of Psyops, Strategy and Education, [...]

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Dr Erasmus Strangelove records his address to #UKLAWBLOGS 19th May 2011 – a Transcript

Guten Abend meine Damen und  Herren.. und… even…  Juristen… . aber die Zeit  ist Geld … so I will keep this brief. It is with regret that I cannot join the distinguished panel of pundits, mavens, prognosticators und blawgers at ze #UKLAWBLOGS Convention at The Law Society on 19th May 2011.  I am Dr Erasmus [...]

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Muttley Dastardly LLP (21): Monthly Psyops Report to The Partners from Dr Erasmus Strangelove

EYES ONLY To: The Partners From: Dr Erasmus Strangelove, Partner, Director of Psyops, Strategy and Education RE: MONTHLY PSYOPS REPORT *** 1. “Many reasons for solicitors to start using social media” There are many reasons why we would encourage other solicitors to use social media.  I select but two: (a) Tie up of competitor human [...]

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Muttley Dastardly LLP (Episode 20): Hugo de Vertback on the Vickers Report for Reform of the Banking Sector

PRESS RELEASE (EMBARGOED UNTIL YOUR FEE PAYMENT CLEARS FOR VALUE) Hugo de Vertback, Partner and Head of Capital and Private Wealth, Muttley Dastardly LLP – The Vickers Report for Reform of the Banking Sector In the early morning of Monday 11th April, a group of hitherto unknown men and women – unknown outside City circles [...]

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Muttley Dastardly LLP (Episode) 19: Retention of staff and human capital maximisation

MEMORANDUM EYES ONLY To:  The Partners From: Dr Erasmus Strangelove, Director of Education, Strategy and Psyops RE: Retention of staff and human capital maximisation Gentlemen, 1. I am reviewing currently our human operational asset base for the purpose of refreshing the stock. This also ties in with an assessment of productivity of junior associate staff.  [...]

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Dr Erasmus Strangelove of Muttley Dastardly LLP is interviewed by LegalBrick Road… (It was billable)

Dr Erasmus Strangelove, Partner and Director of Education, Strategy and Psyops at Muttley Dastardly LLP is interviewed by Just Go Direct’s Legal Brick Road…. do not fear… it was chargeable…. “Law is a business like any other these days. We have the knowledge. You have the money. You give us the money. We give you [...]

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Muttley Dastardly LLP (Episode 18): No repudiatory breaches with our client engagement letters

MEMORANDUM From:  Matt Muttley, managing partner To:  Partners and fee earners RE: MOST IMPORTANT – FEES – ENGAGEMENT LETTERS TO CLIENTS 1. Perusing The Law Society Gazette this morning,  I came across a report of the ‘utmost importance’ and I write to ask all partners and fee earners to ensure that clients are ‘fully appraised’ [...]

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The lives we are now leading….

  All a bit embarrassing that the Libyan School of Economics took the money….. but hey…. still time to fund other more peaceful organisations? Bit busy on a project… back later….. And… just as you thought it was Assange to go back into the water…… Julian Assange is, allegedly, reputedly and, possibly – indubitably…trade marking [...]

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Muttley Dastardly LLP (Episode 17): Dr Erasmus Strangelove reveals… his plan for domination of the legal market.

Can you imagine a situation where there are so many lawyers qualifying  each year through the law schools that we have an endless supply of ‘enthusiastic and able’ young freelance lawyers clamouring not to get into the profession – there is is no room at the Inn or in the big City firms – but [...]

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Muttley Dastardly LLP (Episode 16): Partners [Eyes Only] General Counsel taking an interest in how law firms manage their firms

MEMORANDUM – EYES ONLY To:  The Partners From: Dr Erasmus Strangelove, Partner and Director of Education, Strategy and Psyops Gentlemen, In keeping with our tradition and work best practice ethic,  I am assuming that you will all have been too busy to read the legal press this week. My earlier memorandum on competitor activity this [...]

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Muttley Dastardly LLP (Episode 15): Vultures in Togas and ‘the cattle of the courtroom’

MEMORANDUM To: All Associates From: Dr Erasmus Strangelove, Partner and Director of Education, Strategy and Psyops RE: VULTURES IN TOGAS Obiter, writing in  in The Law Society Gazette, refers to a speech by the Master of The Rolls, Lord Neuberger, where he considers, inter alia, the topic of why lawyers are so unpopular. Lord Neuberger [...]

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Muttley Dastardly LLP (Episode 14): Operation Pharaoh – Positioning for the new Egypt

TOP SECRET / PARTNERS ONLY BRIEFING PAPER From: Dr Erasmus Strangelove, Partner, Director of Education, Strategy and Psyops RE: OPERATION PHARAOH – POSITIONING LEGAL SERVICES IN THE NEW EGYPT 1.  In the wake of events unfolding in Egypt in the last week, from intelligence received from the many, varied and newly minted Egyptologists now broadcasting [...]

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Muttley Dastardly LLP (13): MD are hiring and Dr Strangelove is in the chair – The Trainee Contract Interview

Muttley Dastardly LLP interview once each year for eight trainees.  One will make the cut. Retention rates published in the legal press are of no concern to the firm’s enigmatic Director of Education, Training, Strategy and Psyops – Dr Erasmus Strangelove LLB, JD, BCL, MBA,  Ph.D, Barrister Dr Strangelove took his seat in The Partner’s [...]

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Muttley Dastardly LLP Episode 12: Age is not a factor at The Firm

STATEMENT FROM MATT MUTTLEY Managing Partner, Muttley Dastardly LLP To:  All staff RE: AGE 1.  The government is planning to abolish the retirement age of 65.  As with many things the government does, this will not affect us.  Partners may retire when they wish.  If they haven’t retired by the time they get to 50, [...]

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Muttley Dastardly LLP Episode 11: Not Dead yet? We have the Will for you!

MEMORANDUM From:  Henry Offthewall, Director of Marketing To: The Partners RE:  OPERATION MORITURI TE SALUTANT – WILLS: THE NEW PARADIGM IN DEATH 1.  Please find attached a draft advertisement to attract a new client base.  2.  I read this in The Law Society Gazette and I quote it in full for your attention and perusal [...]

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Muttley Dastardly LLP: We can bring your partner down. We don’t mediate…. they stay down.

I am grateful to Brian Inkster of Inksters [ @BrianIkster ] for drawing my attention to this tweet AFTER I did my Muttley Dastardly nonsense .  Real life is stranger than fiction!

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