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Archive for April, 2010

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This is my emailed reply to David Cameron’s Contract email to me (Exhibit A below)

Dear David,

Thank you for the contract.  Thought you did OK on telly last night.

I write to ask if you would prefer to settle my claim for breach of contract now, and save court action (thereby reducing the deficit) ?

Do let me know what sort of figure you have in mind and I’ll mull it over.

Good luck in the election…. I say that to all the ‘Boys’ !

Best, as always

Charon QC

I append the Contract (Exhibit A) below.  I am looking forward to receiving a useful sum which I shall spend on a libation and, possibly other earthly pleasures.  It is only a pity the email did not call into question my parentage or refer to bigotry.  I was, however, delighted that he said I could have access to ‘all the drugs I need’.  I’m not, however, that keen on feeding myself plant food or horse tranquilisers. I shall write to David and see what other drugs he has which might be of interest. I quite fancy a spot as Home Secretary… and as he has a vacancy because Basil Grayling-Fawlty is, clearly, not up to the mark, I’ll offer myself – given that I am now accepting his invitation to join the government. (See below) But there we are… one can’t have everything in life.

EXHIBIT A

Email from David Cameron to Charon QC

Dear Charon QC,

At the start of this election campaign I invited you to join the government of Britain. My message was that we’re all in this together, and we’ve got to stop pretending that government is the answer to every problem.

So during this campaign I’ve been talking about the new, active part I hope people will play in making the country better and building the Big Society.

Now, as we get into the final week of the campaign, I want to set out our side of the bargain in a contract with you. This contract – as you can see below – is a no-frills, no-nonsense commitment to do some very specific things if you vote for us.

With trust in politics at an all time low and people tired of politicians breaking their promises, this contract couldn’t be clearer. If we don’t do the things it sets out, if we don’t deliver our side of the bargain: vote us out in five years time.

P.S. This is a contract between the Conservative Party and every person in the country – please do make sure your family and friends see it by sharing this email with them.


A contract between the Conservative Party
and N Charon QC

We go into the general election on 6 May with trust in politics and politicians at an all-time low. And I can understand why: the years of broken promises, the expenses scandal, the feeling that politicians have become too remote from the people – they’ve all taken their toll. That’s why I’m making this contract with you.

For too long, you’ve been lied to by politicians saying they can sort out all your problems. But it doesn’t work like that. Real change is not just about what the government does. Real change only comes when we understand that we are all in this together; that we all have a responsibility to help make our country better.

This contract sets out my side of the bargain: the things I want to do to change Britain. But it also makes clear that I cannot do it on my own. We will only get our economy moving, mend our broken society and reform our rotten political system if we all get involved, take responsibility, and work together.

So this is our contract with you. I want you to read it and – if we win the election – use it to hold us to account. If we don’t deliver our side of the bargain, vote us out in five years’ time.

We will change politics

Our political system needs to change. Politicians must be made more accountable, and we must take power away from Westminster and put it in the hands of people – individuals, families and neighbourhoods.

If you elect a Conservative government on 6 May, we will:

1. Give you the right to sack your MP, so you don’t have to wait for an election to get rid of politicians who are guilty of misconduct.

2. Cut the number of MPs by ten per cent, and cut the subsidies and perks for politicians.

3. Cut ministers’ pay by five per cent and freeze it for five years.

4. Give local communities the power to take charge of the local planning system and vote on excessive council tax rises.

5. Make government transparent, publishing every item of government spending over £25,000, all government contracts, and all local council spending over £500.

We will change the economy

Gordon Brown’s economic incompetence has doubled the national debt, given us record youth unemployment, and widened the gap between rich and poor. Unemployment is still rising, and this year we will spend more on debt interest than on schools. We need to get our economy moving.

If you elect a Conservative government on 6 May, we will:

1. Cut wasteful government spending so we can stop Labour’s jobs tax, which would kill the recovery.

2. Act now on the national debt, so we can keep mortgage rates lower for longer.

3. Reduce emissions and build a greener economy, with thousands of new jobs in green industries and advanced manufacturing.

4. Get Britain working by giving unemployed people support to get work, creating 400,000 new apprenticeships and training places over two years, and cutting benefits for those who refuse work.

5. Control immigration, reducing it to the levels of the 1990s – meaning tens of thousands a year, instead of the hundreds of thousands a year under Labour.

We will change society

We face big social problems in this country: family breakdown, educational failure, crime and deep poverty. Labour’s big government has failed; we will help build a Big Society where everyone plays their part in mending our broken society.

If you elect a Conservative government on 6 May, we will:

1. Increase spending on health every year, while cutting waste in the NHS, so that more goes to nurses and doctors on the frontline, and make sure you get access to the cancer drugs you need.

2. Support families, by giving married couples and civil partners a tax break, giving more people the right to request flexible working and helping young families with extra Sure Start health visitors.

3. Raise standards in schools, by giving teachers the power to restore discipline and by giving parents, charities and voluntary groups the power to start new smaller schools.

4. Increase the basic state pension, by relinking it to earnings, and protect the winter fuel allowance, free TV licences, free bus travel and other key benefits for older people.

5. Fight back against crime, cut paperwork to get police officers on the street, and make sure criminals serve the sentence given to them in court.

6. Create National Citizen Service for every 16 year old, to help bring the country together.

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Removals for Mr Brown….

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After Gordon Rochdaled himself the other day and watching his lamentable performance in the final leadership debate last night – a truly appalling closing speech – I think the words (modified) to the famous song by The Doors might be in order….

People are strange

Voters are strange when you’re a plonker
Reporters look ugly when you’re alone
Advisers seem wicked when you’re unwanted
Debates are uneven when you’re down

When you’re strange
Bloggers come out of the rain
When you’re strange
No-one remembers you’re sane
When you’re deranged
When you’re deranged
When you’re deranged

13 years ago, on a sunny May morning Tony Blair walked into Downing Street and, with many others, it felt good to be a Labour supporter, it felt good to have change, it felt good to have a young prime minister who promised so much. For the first few years Tony could do no wrong.  He was even called Teflon Tony – nothing stuck.  But the Iraq war came along and it all went pear shaped.  We were fighting a war on terror and then our civil liberties started to be eroded, countless new laws were passed, ID cards were mooted, CCTV cameras exploded into bloom like cherry blossom on every street and the Labour government, which promised so much, started to become repressive, authoritarian, divisive and disorganised.  In Number II, rather as the Minotaur of Knossos did in mythology, the Chancellor lurked, scheming, plotting , burning with ambition, to take over the mantle of prime minister which, rightfully, in his mind, was his and his alone.  Gordon Brown has been a disaster for the country and for voters like me who were prepared to back a vision of a fairer Britain. I need not, of course, rehearse the many disasters with the economy in recent years, for everyone has a view on that.

I have  supported Labour consistently for years.  I am not, however, a fan of Gordon Brown.  I have made that clear for years in my blog.  The other day, Brown revealed what many have known for some time that he is a bully, intolerant, unable to communicate with voters on a personal level and, frankly, should never have been prime minister – he lacks the skills for the top job. What I think is, of course, entirely irrelevant, but it is my blog and it is Rive Gauche Friday…  my view is that Labour had the opportunity to get rid of Brown on several occasions over the years and they bottled it each time. They are now reaping what they sowed.  I won’t support a Brown led Labour Party.  I won’t do it, because this is the most important election I have voted in to date and I have changed my mind.

I won’t vote Tory because I don’t agree with many of their policies.  I won’t vote Lib-Dem, despite liking Clegg, Cable, Kennedy and Ming,  because I don’t agree with their policies on Trident, the armed forces, the amnesty on immigration  or their wish to join the Euro zone.  So, I shall have a look at the Independent candidate and if I don’t like what I see, I shall vote by spoiling my ballot paper.  I shall draw a pirate flag over the ballot paper. I have bought a nice fat black marker pen for the purpose this morning.  It is sitting on my desk as I type. I shall practice drawing it quickly over the next few days.

Back later with some law… now that the lawyers and the courts have got back to work after the Easter break, there is, actually, some rather interesting law to write about.

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Tonight, I go to Nick Clegg’s stamping ground… T’North of England and report on the extraordinary events of today and, indeed, this last week ….. in a special edition of Charon After Dark. I was embedded in Gillian Duffy’s front drive with a horde of hyperventilating media people.  I can tell you… it was hard!

Listen to the report

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