Today I received an unsolicited text from a claims company suggesting that I may have a claim worth £3500 for an injury. As it happens, I haven’t had an injury.
I was bored. I am under doctor’s orders not to work until mid next week when I come off the heavy meds. The devil makes work for idle hands…and I just could not resist calling the number given in the text back.
RING RING….RING RING….
Cold caller in call centre ‘somewhere in India?”: Hello.
Charon: Have you got my £3500 for the injury you said I could claim for?
Cold caller in call centre ‘somewhere in India?”: Please… your name?
Charon: Charon QC, law blogger of London, England, United Kingdom…. lobber of bog rolls onto a metaphorical legal pitch.
Cold caller in call centre “somewhere in India?”: Bog roll? What is bog roll, please?
Charon: A bog roll is a colloquial term for lavatory paper.
Cold caller in call centre ‘somewhere in India?” You were injured by this bog roll?
Charon: No.
Cold caller in call centre ‘somewhere in India?”: So how were you injured?
Charon: You tell me. You told me I could claim £3500 for my injury. I’m looking forward to spending it on licentious living.
Cold caller in call centre ‘somewhere in India?”: Please, what is licence living? You need licence to live in Britain?
Charon: Oh yes. We need licences for everything in Britain. I already have my licence to receive £3500 from you. I am a lawyer… so I am always licenced to receive money when is it is being chucked about by claims companies.
Cold caller in call centre ‘somewhere in India?”: How is your leg?
Charon: A bit wooden. I have a wooden leg. But I’ll buy a new springy metal one when I get the £3500 which you seem keen to send me for an injury I haven’t had.
Cold caller in call centre ‘somewhere in India?”: Do you have other injuries?
Charon: Many injuries over the years…..in fact, only this very morning I laughed when I saw your text and my head fell orf. Res ipsa loquitur
Cold caller in call centre ‘somewhere in India?”: Please… your head fell off? Where is this head?
Charon: It is in a rather charming 18th Century tea caddy I bought at a Flog It auction on my desk.
Cold caller in call centre ‘somewhere in India?”: Click…..
Mea culpa…. I just cannot resist irritating cold callers who irritate me by wasting my time. I get a fair few cold callers…as many do.
Some time ago I wrote about another encounter with a cold caller. If you haven’t read it… it may raise a wry smile…. or you will come to the conclusion that I am insane. Either way – a win win for me!
Read?
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Charon QC 