Evening all. It is many years since I pounded the beat in Dock Green, but tonight I have to tell you the sad news that The Commissioner of The Metropolitan Police, Sir Iain Blair, has resigned to spend more time with his truncheon.
Policing has changed in the last fifty years. In my day, we had villains, bank robbers with shotguns and The Krays, of course, but we didn’t have the problems of today with hoodies. We’d give the young rascals on our beat a clip around the ear or hang them if we caught them shooting a copper. Today, of course, the bank robbers work down at Canary Wharf and don’t use shotguns. They use Blackberries. Today we use Tasers and, unfortunately, we have to shoot people for their own good from time to time – even a barrister who was taking potshots at his neighbours in a very rich residential area of London. We can’t have that, but nor can we have a situation where beat officers, rank and file and our new Asian colleagues, have little or no regard for the top man. Things have changed. Now we have a stand up comedian, journalist, editor, sometime MP, shagger and relation to George II, running London and he wants to run the Police with someone who is more in tune with the Tories than New Labour.
So it is good bye Sir Iain… mind how you go… and the search is on for the new Commissioner of The Metropolitan Police. Will it be ‘Buggins’ turn’, an internal appointee, subtly appointed or will there be a selection process? If it is a selection process will it be like the good old days, a chat here, a word there, a secret handshake, a quick consultation with the hanging Home Secretary of the day? No… times have changed…. today it will be slick… some have suggested that there be an ‘X’ Factor style process or “Strictly Come Nicking” with telephone voting from the public. Others have suggested there could be a quiz style format “The Weakest Cop” with that Anne Robinson woman who hasn’t changed in years or, perhaps “Who wants to be a Metropolitan Police Commissioner” with Chris Tarrant in the chair. Ridiculous of course. But London needs firm policing so a new man or woman will have to take on the privilege of being responsible for the wellbeing, safety and security of the people of London.
It has been a pleasure to talk to you tonight. Mind how you go.
***
STOP PRESS!
London Mayor Boris Johnson has been named joker of the year at the Loaded Lafta awards.
“He beat fellow nominees Balthazar Getty, Calum Best, Fern Britton and canoe couple John and Anne Darwin. Other winners at the London event included Henry Enfield, who was named Loaded legend and Gavin and Stacey star Ruth Jones, who picked up the funniest woman award.”
i reckon the buggers who voted for the shambling heap should win joker of the year.
hurrah for the departure of blair (both gone!). the biggest joke is that he seems not to have gone because of the unfortunate habit of letting his officers gun down random members of the public (tho to his credit, one was of course a barrister so must be a good thing) but because boris clearly thinks he is some kind of communist.
how long are we going to have the annoying twat allegedly in charge of london?
[…] Dixon of Dock Green reports on the resignation of Metropolitan Police Commissioner Evening all. It is many years since I pounded the beat in Dock Green, but tonight I have to tell you the sad news that The Commissioner of The Metropolitan Police, Sir Iain Blair, has resigned to spend more time with his truncheon. Policing has changed in the last fifty years. Charon Blawg… […]
and the unsubstantiated rumour is:
blair said in his interview with the mighty boris that he could hang round until his successor was in post (a bit of ‘health and safety’ training perhaps?). big b said there was no way a full-time replacement was gonna come in before they had a conservative government and home sec. and he was going to get an overseas policeman in post pro tem.
interesting…
Mind how you go. Yes indeed.
I look forward to the day you publish your ‘musings’ into a proper hard cover book, so I can read a titbit on the train every morning.
A perfect example of a fine mind laying as yet undiscovered in a Cive Andersonesque kind of way.
Probably one of the finest recordings of irony since the great Fingal O’Flaherty put pen to paper in Reading Gaol.
Good evening, Sir James B’Stard ….. I take this as a compliment… nothing like living on the Wilde side …. in literary terms… of course… ! I am not one to wear a green carnation… but I am a liberal…. so each to their own on other matters!