MUTTLEY DASTARDLY LLP GUIDE TO ADVERTISING FOR LAWYERS
Get your ass out there!
This guide, prepared by our internal marketing team, is intended to be a helpful guide to law firms unfortunate enough not to be able to afford their own marketing team. Muttley Dastardly LLP believes in the hand of friendship. We hope you will find our guide helpful and that your practice reaps what it sows during these dark and difficult times.
1. Tesco is coming to get you…yes, YOUR firm, YOUR clients, YOUR profits. If you are really unlucky, the Co-op and ASDA will also come to get YOU! You can’t stick your heads in the sand and expect to make big money…. you have to husssle, hussle and hussle and get your ass out there!
2. You will read a lot about building trust and relationships. This is all very worthy. Look… the public hates lawyers, they may even hate you personally…so why waste time building trust… they don’t trust you now…why spend money trying to get them to trust you? The client doesn’t want you to be a friend…the client wants you to put the boot into the guy down the road whose hedge is too large or who keeps parking in ‘his’ parking space. The client wants you to sue the ass of his employer who sacked him unfairly. The client wants you to screw as much money out of the supermarket which washed their floors and then made him fall over because they didn’t warn him. The client has seen those ads on TV about big fat cheques coming for a broken leg..and…believe me… he wants a piece of the action! This is where you come in. He doesn’t want you pitching up at the pub in your Vauxhall Astra claiming to be his ‘mate’. He wants a big fat cheque and no legal bills because the schmucks on the other side will be paying.
3. SO… how are you going to get your ass out there?! Here’s how:
(a) Write articles: This is a very effective way of showing off your expertise, if you have any – if you haven’t got any expertise do a lateral hire. When you write, you aren’t boring the arse off some academics who hyperventilate when they see The Law Quarterly Review. Speak direct to the client in language they understand. Think Daily Mail, The Sun, The Mirror. The problem here is that tabloid writing is difficult. It takes real skill to terrorise entire sections of Middle England. It take real skill to reduce complex ideas to easily understood fear concepts. Bin The Guardian style. Don’t be too clever with some Independent style analysis of the legal problem. Think EPIDEMIC OF ACCIDENTS…. think MAN GETS £100K FOR 3RD DEGREE BURNS AFTER DRINKING COFFEE AT STARBUCKS. Think… OSBORNE IS TAKING YOUR JOB – DON”T WAIT FOR THE AXE – CONTACT YOUR LAWYER NOW! Above all, play on the innate prejudices and fears of the client when you write your article. Keep it really simple.
(b) Website: Get a decent website…pepper it full of pictures of injuries, happy smiling clients with cheques, wonderful cliche photographs of lawyers – preferably get a good racial mix…and put them on a beach. Don’t sit back and think (a) our lawyers don’t look as good as that or (b) what the F**k are lawyers doing on a beach…. think client! Clients want to see thrusting young lawyers on a beach. Remember, if you have got your practice well sorted, the client isn’t ever going to meet the lawyer. Think OUTSOURCING and lawyer farms.
When you design your website…think…ease of use… keep it really simple… one form for the client to use to send in the details. Don’t forget the PayPal or Visa button if the work isn’t contingency fee. You don’t want to waste money suing the client once you have won or lost their case, do you? Above all…under no circumstances give a telephone number. The last thing you need in a busy day is a client phoning you – it is just not cost effective and clients don’t like being charged for phonecalls.
Don’t worry about keeping your website up to date. The client isn’t interested in legal news. The client is interested in the pay out!
(c) Twitter: This is an invaluable tool for reaching people. A lot of people on Twitter drink heavily at night. Think ACCIDENTS!…think…MARITAL DISCORD…think…DRINK DRIVING…think…LIBEL, BREACH OF CONTRACT, …think the unthinkable…some of these guys on twitter get so pissed…you could even think ARSON or RYLANDS v FLETCHER when they set fire to their own house and it spreads to the neighbours.
The way to use Twitter effectively is – use your firm’s real name…..produce a tweet about once every five minutes..use capitals and randomly spam people. There are a lot of well known law bloggers out there…follow the people they follow and then follow the people they follow and so on. GET AS MANY FOLLOWERS as you can… they could all be CLIENTS!…you will soon build up a good relationship with them..and they are friendly.. they want YOU to make a lot of money representing the downtrodden of Britain. Get to know THEM… be THEIR FRIEND… flatter them… comment on their blogs…not forgetting to add the URL for your CLAIM page!
Twitter has a #hastag system…. make a point of reading the newspapers carefully. If you see a major disaster..this is an opportunity for you to write: WE CAN HELP YOU IF YOU CRASHED AT HEATHROW TODAY #AirdisasterHeathrow. WE ARE EXPERTS IN OIL SPILL COMPENSATION #BPGulfspilldisaster. Always use capitals. There is a lot of traffic on Twitter…and you have to make sure your MESSAGE gets out there! People on Twitter always admire lawyers who selflessly try to help VICTIMS… even if you make a bit of money out of it.
In Part 2 we will try to help you even more. We hope this helps you develop your practice
Fraternal greetings…get your ass out there!
Jamie Cadogan-Howard OE Bt
Director of Marketing
Muttley Dastardly LLP
London
Strength & Profits
I wanna join the firm! When do we go to the beach!!!!
Ha! 🙂
I’d like to join too, but only if I can wear miniskirts and 3 inch heels. There was something up there about putting the boot in – that’s what the heels are for. The miniskirt is cos I haven’t mastered the art of printing money and so at present, I can only purchase a small piece of material for my work suit.
I also come with a health warning #tomboy #feisty #notgoodattakinginstruction – but I used the hashtags. I should credit for that.
Inspired! Particularly: ‘Above all…under no circumstances give a telephone number. The last thing you need in a busy day is a client phoning you – it is just not cost effective and clients don’t like being charged for phonecalls.’
🙂
Meh. We’ve been doing all this for years.
😉
blogwalking ..!
interesting articles, I waited behind her visit.,
and hope you want to exchange links with me, thanks
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Great Article! I’m a pre-law student and a lot of lawyers here aren’t taking into consideration the effect social media can have on them. Many have outdated, impersonal websites, no twitter accounts or inactive Linkedin accounts. I feel like there are so many opportunities being missed from them not branding themselves and putting it all out there. And this just confirmed how much of an asset (if used correctly) engaging in the ever growing world of social media can be.
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