Audio version: West London Man (2) – A trip to Lords is coming up
” Caroline… have you seen that MCC tie I bought on Ebay a couple of weeks ago?”
West London Man is in his study at his Chiswick home answering emails. He is thinking about the trader he fired at the bank only this morning. It was, perhaps, a bit tasteless to discuss the young trader’s future on the way up in the lift to the trading floor at the Canary Wharf HQ – but it was a nice touch, WLM thought, to have completed the matter before the lift arrived at the trading floor and to press the “ground” button on the lift as he bade goodbye to his former colleague. He had read a story where this happened in one of the papers. It may have been The Evening Standard and he was inspired by the story.
Mrs West London Man is in the kitchen. Their children, Jocasta (4) and Peregrine (2), are in bed asleep and the housekeeper/nanny is busy in her small studio flat at the back of the house emailing her mother in Poland to see if the reports of an economic miracle in Poland are true and that she, too, can return to Warsaw and start her career with Poland’s leading bank PKO Bank Polski.
“Caroline?…. have you seen that MCC tie I bought on Ebay a couple of weeks ago?”
“What colour is it?”
“Red and Yellow stripes”
“Is that the tie you wear when you go to see Trade Union fund managers?”
“What?”
“You know… George…. that awful red and yellow thing you wear when you have to see the unions.”
“No… no… darling…. That is a Labour Party election rosette… This is a tie.,.. cricket tie…The MCC Tie, to be precise… red and yellow stripes. I tried buying one at a gentleman’s outfitters but they asked some awkward questions about entitlement….. RED AND YELLOW STRIPES!… it arrived last week by courier.”
“Oh… that one… yes… I have seen it.”
George paused for a moment, drummed his fingers on the reproduction partner desk, and said patiently…
“Good, darling… and where do you think you saw it last?”
“It’s on the back of your chair in your study.”
***
And… you know?… it was… just as Caroline said… on the back of the chair George was sitting at.
***
AUDIO VERSION OF WEST LONDON MAN 2
” Caroline… have you seen that MCC tie I bought on Ebay a couple of weeks ago?”
I have an audio version for you….
***
West London Man is going to Lords this Saturday to watch England v New Zealand. He will be wearing his MCC tie. He is not entitled to wear it – but that does not trouble him at all. Full report and scorecard as events develop on Charon this Saturday.
[Editorial Note: George and Caroline have absolutely no idea that their nanny, Katja, is a fully qualified Mergers & Acquisitions specialist and Ph.d degree holder in her own country and is about to leave her life of domestic servitude ‘West London style’. They will be distraught when they find out. Caroline may not be able to cope and will possibly be seeing her therapist in Notting Hill. Caroline will be ‘distrait’ – so much more…. ‘Chiswick’… than ‘distraught’. ]
George sounds just like Husband – can’t see for looking!
Poor Caro… she’s going to go from “Yummy Mummy” to “Slummy Mummy” if she dawdles and doesn’t get another nanny soon. Ah, well, there are over 25 other EU countries to choose from!
Yes… Ms Hansen…. a lot of men have this problem!
Caroline is going to find her world turned upside down… and george will continue to commit social atrocities….
Has WLM thought of doing the nanny. He sounds like he’d be a rubbish shag though.
Another great episode. This is surely a major column
Of course, this is only the start of their problems: at some point, the Polish builders that they’ve been talking to about updating their abode to keep up with the neighbours will also head home and they’ll be forced to deal with English builders … and then they might both end up in counselling.
I can only pity the children – how such deprivation will scar them!
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