Dear Reader,
At a time when the government is pouring millions of pounds into entirely pointless activities like swimming fast for a couple of hundred metres in heated pools, cycling faster and faster with funny hats on around an indoor arena, or encouraging people to see how high and how far they can jump… or even hop, skip and then jump… and our England cricket team, stuffed to the gunnels with sacked England Captains snatching draws from the very jaws of victory – the government is hampering the activities of the true sportsmen and women of England – the binge drinkers.
Britain leads the world at binge drinking but we cannot afford to be complacent. The Swedes, the Germans, the Russians are catching us up fast. At one stage Britain led the world in serial smoking, but a group of professional busybodies declared a war on terror and we surrendered in droves; a pitiful, ragged, army of smokers reduced to huddling outside in all weathers to get our fix, leaving the dessicated anti-smoking lobby drinking half a shandy in now, increasingly, empty pubs. Some pubs are terminally empty. They have shut down in large numbers.
Now, Sir Liam Busybody, HM Chief Medical Officer, (The Independent reports) begins his crusade to stamp out drinking by proposing that the price of alcohol be doubled. Other medical and political busybodies are trying to deal with that other sport we excel at, only bettered by the Germans and Americans – FatBastardo – The Way of The Fat Bastard. What are they all trying to do – build a master race that lives forever?
Anyway… be that as it may… tonight is not the time for me to remind you that our freedom to live our lives as we wish to is being eroded in so many ways; some serious, others perhaps not so serious. So… moving on to other matters.
As my brother, Rex Charon MP, is huddled in a think tank at this very moment talking policy with other like minded future political masters, it is left to me to keep the political home fires burning by drawing your attention to some useful posts from the leading political bloggers. I shall do so, of course, from the perspective of the surreal-politik rather than real-politik.
Guido Fawkes reports that “Brown is Bonkers” Meme Now Underpins the Tory Message and suggests that the Tories should ‘stoke it all the way to the next election’. One doesn’t need to be ‘Mystic Charon’ to work out that the Tories are on a roll, but the Guido post is definitely worth a read. Mayor Boris has a recipe for chutney, would you believe?. Crikey!
My friend from many years ago, retired barrister (early retirement) The Fat Bigot, always has something worth reading and today he has this: “A little clear blue water : Today saw a potentially important step towards the next general election, which must be held within the next fifteen months. It seems quite a long time when you put it in months, but it will soon pass. What was witnessed today was a purely strategic move by David Cameron, the leader of the Conservatives, to put a clear dividing line between him as potential Prime Minister and poor Gordon.”
The Ranting Penguin has a post entirely in keeping with my postcard to you today… Hoon of The Day: “The name’s Dalziel, and I’ll have a large Highland Park. Forget the fucking water!”
The Devil’s Kitchen is on the money with a post by ‘The Filthy smoker’… Calais here we come: “Sir Liam Donaldson: pasty, saggy-faced, fat-arsed c**t.”
I’m afraid I agree… and on that note... I’m orf to drink a few glasses of Tempranillo, prop up the Spanish economy and wait for the Prince of Darkness to set Anglo-American relations back to the time of George III with Blawg Review 203… it is due on a website by Geeklawyer at midnight GMT… or thereabouts if he hasn’t trashed his office at home following a binge drinking session….
As at 22.18 GMT Geeklawyers blog URL is showing the following message: error 404 – not found… Oh no! You’re looking for something which just isn’t here!
But… I am reasonably confident the master of the late night spliff will have sorted it by the witching hour… Yes.. he managed to post Blawg Review #203… not office safe…. and, possibly a good thing, he managed to leave me out of it… that’s Geeklawyer… mead and all! He did manage to get the Hellfire Club in though .
Next week I shall try to write of more important matters – but I did do some serious stuff all last week with posts and podcasts (below).
Best regards as always,
Charon
Does that mean this is my final glass of wine? I can’t just have one more for the road?
Ha, well, I am a non smoker, (*booh*, *hiss*, yes, yes, I get that all the time) so the ban suits me quite well and am rather pleased that we have gone back to the old brand of pollution in London, so that my lungs are no longer filled with that filthy nicotine-based tar cigarettes proffer but are in fact now being slowly destroyed by ye olde exhaust fumes and the like.
I think we should bring back hanging for smoking-related offences personally.
🙂
One of the more interesting, “Brown is bonkers” ideas was brought to us by My Lord Postman Patel in his, “Will Nu Labour get Balls at last ? Brown to go in shock psycho – drama – queen” post. In this missive My Lord compares PM Brown to Captain Queeg from the film, The Caine Mutiny.
The parallels drawn by Lord Patel are startling.
Charon,
Your chum the FB is reliable, if nothing else, as he has a knack of completely missing the point on a wide range of topics.
Global warming is beyond him, as is anything to do with economics.
His analysis of Dave ‘do nothing until Brown loses’ is pretty lame as well.
James C – The fat Bigot needs no defence from me!… he has a popular blog. Harsh!
How are you? We live in difficult times… one does one’s best to battle on… wandering what will happen next… where the next bowl of rice, glass of Rioja, will come from!
I shall continue until the going down of the sun….
Sir,
A most distasteful error was very evident in Sundays post.
I direct your attention to this scandalous remark; “…and our England cricket team…
To the best of my knowledge sir.. you have Stewart blood, not that of a Campbell.
An explanation will be required and must be submitted directly to the Scotia Bar by no later than 12pm on Friday.
Good god man, what was you thinking?
JB
Ah… Good evening Mr Bastard…. you are recovering I trust?
I follow the cricket but accept, upon my oath on the Stone of Scone, that an over indulgence of the wine of my god caused the temporary relapse of claiming Scots ownership over the England Crciket team.
I shall, of course, be more than happy to drink with the hooded gentlemen of the Scotia Bar on Friday… shall we make an early start… 9.00 in the morning suit you?
Sir,
One has recovered sufficiently from the very successful Hampden jaunt, but is now warming up for the stramash that is St Pats.
Explanation accepted on this occasion, one has also on occasion lapsed while partaking of the grape.
Scotia, Friday, but 09.00 is slightly inconvenient for my kipper appointment with Gordon from No 10.
Shall we say 9:15 instead? 15 minutes of that particular buffoon is enough for any man’s stomach.
Use the side entrance to avoid the clergy leaving for mass.
Cheerio,
JB
Charon,
I am keeping well and amusing myself in these unusual times. Life is pleasant enough, and my dog provides me with plenty of stimulatimg conversation. Alcohol cosumption is currently low, and could be cranked up should the need arise.
Douglas Jardine was Scottish…
*pause for a ‘we are not worthy’*
What further explanation is needed? 😉
Douglas Jardine is my hero and yes, he was Scottish.
*We are indeed not worthy*
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