I unashamedly modify my friend The Fat Bigot Opines’ “There’s a goat, let’s scape it”.. for the title of my latest post. It seems that I may be losing the plot.
Many years ago, until I was about 35, I was fairly fit. A couple of years ago I had an unpleasant illness which I survived and, fed up with the advice of doctors and pills, I decided three weeks ago to dispense with both and that loads of fruit, vegetables and a lot of strength training was needed. So… I developed a taste for doing press ups while taking a cigarette outside on the top floor of a building. This graduated to push ups, squats, calf lifts, abs and with a 5Kg dumbell purchased a week ago, the repertoire increased to all the things one can do with a dumbell. My muscles grew, the fat started to burn off and now… I have two 20kg dumbells…delivered this very morning by Mr Amazon who was not happy about lugging 100lbs worth of weights up several flights of stairs. He muttered about lifts when he arrived at my door. I smiled and said that the lack of a lift (or elevator for my american friends) was a bore, thanked him and waved goodbye. He looked a bit pale.
I am a 30aday Dan… so each time I smoke, alternating days for upper body and lower body, I do sets of eight to ten exercises with reps varying from 20-50 depending on the exercise.
I noticed that my stomach was getting bigger. The thought dawned on me that I should burn off the fat on the waist before doing abdominal crunches! So that is what I shall do.
Unfortunately, gentlemen drinkers will know that men put weight on around their gut and it is the last fat to get burned off. Gentlemen drinkers will only know this, of course, if they have a taste for exercise. Not all do. I do not exclude women, of course, but I am advised by a very fit woman friend of mine that with women the thighs and the bum is the most difficult to keep under control. This conjured up images in my mind which I shall not dwell on in this serious law blog.
I have also noticed that I appear to have started walking like an australopithicene. I am told that when the muscles get used to the assault I am putting them through I shall start to walk normally again provided I don’t overdo the thigh exercises. I won’t.
I have a rowing machine arriving – a cheap one – to get a bit of cardio done and I’m toying with the idea of getting a bike so that I can exercise and smoke as I go to interesting places on the bike… or even to collect my supplies of cigarettes. As I am now a wine reviewer, and I am receiving a fair number of bottles to review, I am in excelent spirits… so… I am going for the burn… possibly, literally…