It was a moment of unusually high drama at the Midshire Crown Court this afternoon when HH Judge Hardly-There QC passed sentence on a young shaven headed man with the letters H A T E tattooed on the fingers of his right hand. The man had been convicted of assault causing grievous bodily harm; a not unusual event in the town on a Friday night.
The judge leaned forward on the bench. His face was initially impassive but then, quite suddenly, his face became florid and he banged his hand down on the bench.
“Your case illustrates all too clearly the completely lax penal policies of this bed-wetting government and the insidous Human Rights Act brought in by Teflon Tone and his motley crew of clowns and bath dodgers. “Tough on Crime, Tough on the causes of crime”… was Blair’s rallying cry to the chavs of modern Britain and the B&Q visiting fraternity who waste their weekends endlessly doing up dreary suburban houses and putting tasteless decking in their back yards. Well, all Blair achieved in his ten years in power was to start a war against a regime that was quite able to control militants and insurgents and that knew how to quash rebellions. All Blair’s government has been able to achieve on law and order is to allow shaven headed scum like you to run riot, hitting law abiding members of the public and police officers, because you aren’t even man enough to hold your drink.
People like you, and there are literally hundreds and hundreds of chavs like you, come to our beautiful towns from your Ikea furnished hovels and avail yourselves of the beautiful amenities that our middle class burghers built in times past and you behave like thugs and vagabonds.
In the past ten years the national debt of this country has risen to extraordinary heights because idiots like you can’t resist spending money on plasma screens, your obese wives and children and tracksuits, bought on credit, and how do you repay the society that tries to give you a sense of belonging?… I’ll tell you how… by hitting a Police Officer who, albeit dressed in full riot gear with his shoulder boards taped over and wearing a balaclava, sprayed you with CS gas and hit you a few times with his baton because you were behaving like a lout. I’d like to send you to a labour camp, but we don’t have any…. fortunately, there are a couple of places left in a nearby prison and you are going down and will spend ten years in there. Take him down.”
It is not known whether the Chief Justice has had time to refer HH Judge Hardly-There QC to the Office for Judicial Complaints – he may still be dealing with the matter of Judge Trigger who went a little overboard, according to The Times, yesterday. In the Judge Trigger case The Lord Chief Justice, Lord Judge, has asked the Office for Judicial Complaints to rule on whether the comments Trigger made were too political. The decision will be made jointly by Lord Judge and the Lord Chancellor, Jack Straw.
I retire from the magistracy in fewer than ten years’ time. Just watch out for my sentencing remarks in my last month.
Bystander JP – Excellent… Shall it be your swansong?!
It is an extraordinary story. What did Judge Trigger think he was doing? I’m afraid that stress gets to everyone. I can only assume he was having an off day?
but have you seen the comments at the times? woop woop – *sticks pencils up both nostrils and stands by to repel tide of yardy immigrunt peedos*
SW… I shall investigate! Silly season is one thing… but I found the story about Judge Trigger totally bizarre.
[…] Clearly, the unexpected heat of this ‘barbecue Summer’ that we are not having has not only unhinged my mind… I refer to a somewhat unusual piece of judicial bluster which i covered earlier in the week in my pievce about HH Judge Hardly-There QC. […]